• The Adventures of Tintin

    The Adventures of Tintin



    "I thought you were an optimist."

    Inventive formality meets the spatiality of an animated creation with genuine narrative plotting, intrigue, conflict, and visionary (swashbuckling) fascinations to boast. A better Uncharted adventure than the games.

  • Mars Attacks!

    Mars Attacks!


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.


    "They blew up Congress! Ha ha ha ha!"

    Tim Burton made a deliriously wacky, shlocky '50s alien invasion hybrid that contains the slaughtering of entire selections of A-list celebrities and most of Congress, as endorsed by the satirical critiques of American™ (conservative) cultural poison triggering their own annihilation; then to be saved by people who have never given a damn about that culture (naturally, children, working-class people, iconic leftist celebrities, gamers, and your one awesome grandma). It's not the exhilarating, intricate, and high-octane extravaganza I was hoping for - but that doesn't take away from its stronger attributes; the pastiche-driven entertainment, the hilarious cynicism, etc.

  • The Terminal

    The Terminal



    "Ever feel like you're living in an airport?"

    Super weird oddity of romantic and comedic sentimentality (adjoined with the occasional humanity of an immediate community & the callousness of the systemic causes) vs. the general overtness of its wandering, contrivances, and abundances of schmaltz. Nonetheless, it's pretty wholesome.

  • Chaos Walking

    Chaos Walking



    "I've never seen a girl before."

    As someone who saw a marketing ad that said "experience the chaos this weekend," I was disappointed, as this is neither the colossal disaster many were hoping for - nor is it anywhere near something of mediocre quality. Also, fuck this straight-up for violence against horses and dogs.

  • Raya and the Last Dragon

    Raya and the Last Dragon



    "My name is Raya."

    Gigantic sucker for narratives involving the histories & evolutions of a fantasy world that's struck by apocalyptic chaos, significant conflicts of humanity, and an eventual search/fight for some kind of potential restoration (the more intricate & idiosyncratic, the better). Consequently, this follows a similar, albeit infrequently unfulfilling & ordinary iteration of the narrative's more undeviating delights - the magical creatures, the variety of the mythical environments, the vividness of the images, the evil forces, and the (film's) adequate thematics of the hero's journey; intertwined with more neat cultural delineations. Shout-out to James Newton Howard, as always.

  • Coming 2 America

    Coming 2 America



    "What do we have besides superhero shit, remakes, and sequels to old movies nobody asked for?"

    They go back to America for like ten minutes (also, this is a major step-down from both the previous film and Craig Brewer's Dolemite Is My Name - even though it's always nice to see Eddie Murphy again).

  • Hook




    "Thank you for believing."

    Pleasant enough. The sentimentality works for something this purely whimsical and technologically efficient (ex: the SFX, the set designs, the music, the playfulness), yet the reimagining of the source material grinds to a halt when it's not pursuing the unrealized potential of its (now subtextual) potency - via the sheer emotionality, and tragedy, of moving beyond the wondrousness of a past youth & turning into a world-weary cynic once any ounce/remembrance of magic fades away vs. Captain Hook's longing for that past. The first act and the closing sequence are the exemplary highpoints (both outside of Neverland).

  • The Spy Next Door

    The Spy Next Door


    "I've brought down dictators. How tough can three kids be?"

    Jackie Chan revisionism. Shot by Dean Cundey.

  • Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

    Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole



    "There's nothing wrong with dreams."

    If only all animated films were as remarkably gorgeous and visualized as this one. There's many bits & pieces of Snyder's fascinations with the self-reflexive notions of archetypal mythologizing (ex: the anti-fascist throughline of the central adventure; one which acknowledges the downfalls of lacking individual contemplation) - but, of course, it unfolds within the sincerity, optimism, and earnestness of a children's tale.

  • Duel




    "I play meat."

    Bare-bones genre experimentation that's enhanced by the American (masculine) angst and unrelenting viciousness of otherworldly forces - moving through desolate environments which match the exceptional visual formality of the directorial engineering. Mechanization and paranoia.

  • The Amityville Horror

    The Amityville Horror



    "Peace to this house and all who enter in it."

    One of the significant origins of the long-standing haunted house blueprint - of which doesn't prevent this from utilizing pieces of uncanny dreariness & strapping it to the rather eerie chills, blunt events, and familial turmoil that run through the film's general efficiency. Bonus points for going back for the doggo.

  • This Is Spinal Tap

    This Is Spinal Tap



    "Fuck the napkin!"

    A mockumentary which thrives through the satire-driven hilarity and somewhat inventive, experimental amusement of its narrative fabrications. Not too much beyond that of well-paced entertainment.