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  • Nightmare Beach

    Nightmare Beach

    ★★½

    This is the kind of movie that will make you feel like going to the beach. Well, I guess in my case it would be the lake or Schlitterbahn. You don’t swim in the gulf near Galveston, unless you’re in the market for a Portuguese man o’ war burn, a broken beer bottle slicing you open, or a bad case of necrotizing fasciitis.

    God damn Florida Men. Pretty ballsy to purposefully electrocute a person who’s sitting on the same motorcycle…

  • X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-Men: Apocalypse

    ★★★

    Not as bad as I remember, but still dumb. I don’t like how Magneto is shoehorned into this movie, but I guess I’d rather have that than no Magneto.

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  • Jetsons: The Movie

    Jetsons: The Movie

    ★★

    "Do not put your finger into this hole."

    George looks into the camera, then raises and lowers his eyebrows.

  • The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

    The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

    ★★★½

    Weirdly pleasant? Not as scary as the previous two, but it also felt less rollercoastery. It wasnt set piece after set piece. Just kind of a nice little horror mystery with an interesting premise and a few clever set pieces. There are even a few great shots and cuts that I could point out. The camera traveling through the kennel house near the beginning was nice, and I liked the cut between the skeptical lawyer being invited over by the…