• Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction

    ★★½

    Imagine you sit down to a nice meal. It looks appetizing, and it’s well-prepared. It tastes fine. You finish your plate, and you are full. But another plate comes. And another. And another. So on, until eventually you’re feeling like Greta from Nightmare 5. It’s too fucking much! Thankfully, I broke this one into two chunks. Highly recommended.

    The rural Texas shots look so gorgeous. The movie in general looks really good, however there is something going on with some individual…

  • Savage Beach

    Savage Beach

    ★½

    I should not have watched The Dallas Connection first. That one was way better than this one.

  • Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    ★★★

    “It reminds me a lot of Bumblebee, if Bumblebee were a sad piece of shit.”

    That would be such a great line to include in a negative review, but this isn’t that. Dark of the Moon is solid. It’s still missing the heart of the first, but there is more story here than in Revenge of the Fallen. Sam Witwicky is doing terribly throughout most of the movie. He can’t get a job, normal life dissatisfies him, and he’s excluded…

  • The Transformers: The Movie

    The Transformers: The Movie

    ★★★★

    The Mad Max: Fury Road of Transformers movies. I guess they’re all kind of like that, but this one is 85 minutes and not 165. Plus, this has a stellar voice cast and the original designs rendered in usually gorgeous animation. They even have Starscream wearing a crown and a cape in one scene.

  • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    ★★½

    I could do without the horrifically offensive racial stereotype bots, the dog (and little transformers) humping, unfunny professor Rainn Wilson, and just the general air of increased obnoxitude. Less heart, less story, more plot, but I definitely like it more now than when I saw it at the IMAX in 2009. Not as bad as its reputation, and obviously not lazy either. That forest fight… whew. Gorgeous. And Starscream is in it a lot more. Gorgeous. 

    Mostly though, Revenge of the…

  • The Lost Boys

    The Lost Boys

    ★★★

    This worked for me tonight probably better than it ever has. Ain’t no Fright Night, but that’s okay.

  • The Dallas Connection

    The Dallas Connection

    This is another one of those “best movie I’ve ever seen” movies. I honestly don’t know how to rate it. Assume five stars.

  • Transformers

    Transformers

    ★★★½

    (All)sparked by the passion of the biggest Bay fan and, by extension, the biggest Transformers film franchise fan I know, I’ve been in the mood to revisit these lately. 

    I don’t think this one is even bad. The movie looks good. I know people have problems with the orange look to the whole thing, but it doesn’t bother me. The character design is another point of contention. The first Transformer we see, the big helicopter one, is AWESOME. A rule of…

  • Monkeybone

    Monkeybone

    ★★

    This movie is free to watch right now on YouTube. I haven’t seen it since seventh grade when I fell asleep to it every night for like six months. Anyone else do that?

    In the timeless tradition of Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz comes… Monkeybone. (In the tradition of Cool World and Space Jam, more like.)

    My favorite part was when Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King show up, and it’s stated that Cujo broke out of dreamland at some point in the past…

  • The Madness of King George

    The Madness of King George

    ★★★½

    “I’m praying, God damn it.”

    Great period movie about King George III (King of Britain during the American Revolution) having some sort of nervous breakdown. The writing and acting are top notch from the beginning, but then Ian Holm shows up about halfway through and single-handedly brings the movie up another half star.

  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    ★★★

    As mean spirited and yucky as this movie is, it’s missing some of the grit of The BeginningChainsaw 03 is so polished and pretty in comparison.

    The older I get, the more I’m frustrated by how hopeless the movie is. I guess that’s really no different than the original, but it feels different here. Maybe it’s because most of the characters in this one know they’re going to die way before it happens, so they all spend half the movie…

  • Collateral

    Collateral

    ★★★★

    Really intense, and Tom Cruise with the grey hair is so cool. Too bad about all the vicious, unrepentant murder.