Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad ★½

Starts as soulless plastic, as if the back of several action figure boxes are being read to you by an edgy 13 year-old Call of Duty prodigy (kidding, he plays Battlefield 4 because that game's edgier), until it spirals even deeper into "Not a Movie, Just a Collection of Stale Jokes and Teardrop Tattoos" territory. This property is the last thing that needed the Standard Superhero Recycling treatment; it feels more like Thor: The Dark World than anything else has in a long time, in terms of weightless nothingness. Underlit, nothing is yours to chew on because it's edited to hell. Then, the finale rolls around, and for one moment, cinematic patience begins to partially show itself as we see each antihero linked by their deep-seated desire for normality. David Ayer has, even if for a moment, beaten away the studio's hand, maybe. Then as we're about to finally breach something intriguing within all of these characters, even more guns fire, and it's over. We see potential gone, potential found for half a second, and potential thrown away again. This is vomit on film, a bleak sight, and I'd never want to sit through it again, really.

Paragraph over, bring on the lists.

The Really Bad Stuff: Jared Leto, Jared Leto, Jared Leto, gun pornography, the unbearable side of the soundtrack, (it's not your fault you angel) Cara Delevigne, (ew) Harley Quinn's opening scene in which she's essentially berated for being a woman & then tied up by the guards, (ew ew) Jared Leto bragging about how sexy Harley Quinn is, (ew ew ew) Harley Quinn being punched in the nose comically after hissing at Batman so the other men in the audience can relate with a hefty "yeah, shut up, bitches" plus all the meme desperation (e.x., "Favorite Fetish: Pink Unicorns" or "I'm beautiful")

The Good Stuff: That flawless Kanye West music cue, Smith & Robbie

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