• Rebecca

    Rebecca

    ★★

    god. here’s a list of people who could give a more interesting performance than armie hammer in this movie:

    1. andrew scott
    2. robert pattinson
    3. elisabeth moss IN shirley (2019)
    4. kevin abstract
    5. bill hader
    6. the actress who played meghan markle in that lifetime movie
    7. anyone from the cast of jagged little pill
    8. the girl who was interviewed by infowars and said you people have worms in your brains
    9. noel miller
    10. and diesel jeans. (the guy from that video)

  • Downton Abbey

    Downton Abbey

    ★★★★

    the klepto seamstress was the real hero here. imagine having to be around this many wealthy british people all day every day and not taking a few souvenirs like. mama was just collecting tips

  • Scream

    Scream

    ★★★★½

    finally watched this and yet was given no clarity as to why they named the bully in ned’s declassified after billy loomis like WHAT was that boy planning

  • Romeo + Juliet

    Romeo + Juliet

    ★★★★

    every 3-4 months i remember how ruthlessly sexy this movie is and i make it my entire personality. yes i did just search pinterest for romeo + juliet tattoos yes i actually do want to talk about it

  • Sinister Seduction

    Sinister Seduction

    ★★★½

    knowing that i still get sad when i google an actor i like and they’re in a relationship has absolutely ruined my night like YIKES who’s gonna tell her

  • The Social Network

    The Social Network

    ★★★★★

    hi friends. today, october the 1st, 2020, is the ten year anniversary of the social network’s theatrical release. can you believe it! in its honor, i would like to share what each of the actors are up to now and how i would rate their career choices in the years since, because as we all know, this was the first and last piece of great american cinema. to spice it up, i’m doing this fully from memory. no imdb for…

  • Most Likely to Murder

    Most Likely to Murder

    ★★★

    remember when carrie underwood would release songs about girls letting their abusers die in a fire or a tornado or whatever because I wanna bring that genre back

  • Bad Teacher

    Bad Teacher

    ★★★½

    the first time i remember making an entire room uncomfortable was at a middle school sleepover when we secretly rented this movie and justin timberlake was halfway through his lights-on sex scene through two layers of denim and i went wow he really looks like [our youth pastor] right now. and everyone went quiet and we had to turn the movie off. one girl almost cried

  • The Wrong Teacher

    The Wrong Teacher

    ★★

    this lead actress’ filmography, from 2016 until now, includes:
    • the wrong roommate
    • the wrong student 
    • the wrong man
    • the wrong teacher
    • the wrong mommy

    things i picked:
    • the wrong movie

  • Sinister Seduction

    Sinister Seduction

    ★★★½

    they made the poster look like CSI because the milf protagonist does better investigating than the actual police. this is a subtle hint that hot moms can and should be the ones to serve and protect

  • A Star Is Born

    A Star Is Born

    ★★★

    the way barb gave thee performance of modern herstory all while looking and dressing like if you pushed all the members of greta van fleet into one person. simply unprecedented and unmatched

  • The Devil All the Time

    The Devil All the Time

    ★★★½

    do you guys think rob remembers any of this