I’m just this guy, you know? Opinions mine and mine alone, gotta always have that in my bio.

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  • The Beginning: Making 'Episode I'

    The Beginning: Making 'Episode I'


    If nothing else, the fact that this came out tells you George Lucas really doesn’t have an ego, because it’s hard to think of too many directors that would sign off on this brutally candid a look into the filmmaking process, especially the modern filmmaking process. Watching this slow motion disaster unfold, watching Lucas make every wrong creative choice, or him muttering about how blatantly aping the original trilogy is like poetry, or the stunned faces at the end of…

  • The Hangover

    The Hangover


    Because I have nothing to say about this movie I loved in 2009 and don’t care about now, here’s one of the 2 or 3 interesting stories about my life. In 2010 I was staying at my aunt’s house in Las Vegas when Scott Pilgrim vs The World came out, and I was so knocked out by it that I saw it on consecutive days (the only time I’ve done that, although I’ve seen movies twice in a week before).…

Recent reviews

  • Le Cercle Rouge

    Le Cercle Rouge


    Popped this sucker on because it’s leaving Criterion in 11 days, I haven’t seen it in at least 15 years, and Melville is my dude forever. I remembered it being a heck of a picture despite having a bit too much meat on its bones, and as it turns out my memory was correct - the buildup to the robbery really takes its sweet time, but once the players are assembled shit starts rolling in that ineffably cool way Melville’s…

  • The Lion King

    The Lion King

    I didn’t actually watch this, but I’m going to log this here because I tweeted it a while ago and I still think the idea is solid: this and Cats should have switched their overarching presentation ideas

Popular reviews

  • Wonder Woman 1984

    Wonder Woman 1984

    Buhhh. 200 million dollars and we got:

    1. A movie with brutally bad special effects - those memed scenes were par for the course in terms of how this movie looks

    2. A movie at least 45 minutes longer than it should have been, paced absolutely atrociously, that sags like a twenty-five year old mattress halfway through

    3. Acting that ranges from “acceptable” (Chris Pine) to “truly atrocious” (Gadot, who truly acts like every movie is her first one)


  • Locked Down

    Locked Down


    Short version: lol why the fuck did I think watching this was a good idea when the pandemic isn’t even over yet

    Longer version: a collection of every teleconferencing joke we already beat into the ground by the time Jeffrey Toobin ended his career featuring a raft of cameos by people clearly desperate for something to do, long monologues meant to make us care about two people almost impossible to care about, me spending two hours wondering why these people…