The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug ★★

A river barrel escape theme park water ride WHEN?! Minus Bofur (I think?) bouncing around on the ground in a manner that defies all logic and physics. 

Martin Freeman is a good Bilbo. It’s not his fault these films are so overly bloated. Despite the surely significant budget behind these, I can’t help thinking about how much cheaper they look? Nothing looks lived in like it did in the first trilogy. They just KEPT adding and adding until it looked more like a video game cut scene than a movie. You could fall asleep for at least half this movie and still get the gist. Edit, people! 

Ugh this movie reintroduces Legolas and introduces Tauriel, whyyyy?! I hate to be that person but they are not in the book! Not only do we gotta shoehorn a woman in we gotta give her “badass” skills to show we’re “feminist” but then she MUST fall for the only attractive person around? 

Stray thoughts: 
-The extra-ness that Lee Pace serves is really something else
-Audibly said “ew” when the dwarves ripped each of the spider’s legs off simultaneously
-Laughed out loud when they said the movie title 
-The idea of Benedict Cumberbatch writhing around on the floor pretending to be Smaug cracks me the fuck up 
-Can’t get over the out of wack proportions in these movies and I never will! Put it on my headstone.  
-Wild that towards the end (or so I thought) of this PJ was like imma throw in some horror in this children’s story 
-I rolled my eyes so many times in this movie they’re stuck that way 
-Thorin sucks and I hate him

Andie liked this review