• Lux Æterna

    Lux Æterna

    ★★★★

    FIlmmaking's a fucking nightmare.

    Rating: 8/10

  • The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

    The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

    Besides the pretty nice looking animation, Sponge on the Run feels like a lazy cash grab made to milk the Spongbob money cow before it runs dry. Half of it is just rehashing of stories cobbled together from old episodes and the half is a backdoor pilot for a prequel/spin-off series that Stephen Hillenburg would've shot down if he had not passed away. Hopefully, this would be the long-awaited finale to the show because I don't think there's a point…

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★½

    Ha ha chainsaw goes brugga-brug-brug-ruggra-rrrgra-brugraa while Leatherface goes “muffled screaming”

    Rating: 9/10

  • Phantasm

    Phantasm

    ★★★★½

    Phantasm is a very charming and surreal low-budget fantasy horror film. Sure, it doesn't have the best acting or the most coherent story, but it has some great special effects, likable characters, an amazing score by Fredric Myrow, and an unforgettable performance by the late Angus Scrimm. If you're in the mood for a strange, dreamlike nightmare of a horror film, check this out.

    Rating: 9/10

  • Freddy Got Fingered

    Freddy Got Fingered

    Freddy Got Fingered is probably the worst thing to happen in 2001, besides the release of Nickleback's third studio album "Silver Side Up."

  • Millennium Actress

    Millennium Actress

    ★★★★½

    Millennium Actress is one of the most beautiful and deeply emotional animated films I've seen in a long time. The story's great, the sound designs very detailed and match well with the visuals, the animation's fantastic, and the editing is absolutely stellar, especially in the transitions between the scenes in reality and the scenes in the movies. My only issue with it is that it takes a while for the story to pick it, but when it does, my lord it picks up.

    I would highly recommend this film and I might watch this again sometime in the future.

    Rating: 9/10

  • Bones

    Bones

    ★★★½

    Bones is an enjoyable but rather flawed homage to 70s to 80s horror films and Blaxploitation films. Snoop Dogg does a great job of playing the titular Jimmy Bones who manages to both menacing and sympathetic at the same. The actors did a good job as well, especially Pam Grier, but aren't nearly as enjoyable to watch as Snoop Dogg. Also, the practical effects are fantastic and even impressive at points. The only thing that I didn't like about this…

  • Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

    Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

    ★★★★

    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is one of the most fun films I’ve ever in a long while. The performances are pretty good, especially Michael Cera who did a great job as the titular Scott Pilgrim, along with Mary Elizabeth Winstead who played Ramona Flowers. Also, the visual effects in this are phenomenal and I’m kinda disappointed that it didn’t win an Oscar for that. The only thing that I didn’t like about is that some of the jokes didn’t land very well and that the first 20 minutes were kind of a drag. Besides that, I’d still recommend it! 

    Rating: 8/10

  • Crystal Fairy & the Magical Cactus

    Crystal Fairy & the Magical Cactus

    I'd rather overdose on Peyotes than watch this film again.

    Rating: 2/10

  • To Boldly Flee

    To Boldly Flee

    ½

    My apologies to 365 Days or any other film that I called the worst film ever, at least your not 3 and a half hours long and has the production value of an elementary school theater production.

    Rating: 1/10

  • 365 Days

    365 Days

    ½

    Fuck this movie, fuck the writers, fuck the director, fuck most of the male actors, fuck Netflix for releasing this shit onto their platform, and fuck whoever's giving this piece of shit 5 stars. I hope they all die in a fiery car crash and burn in hell for all of eternity. That's my review for 365 Days, don't watch it unless you want to suffer like I did.

    Rating: Fuck You/10

  • Thinner

    Thinner

    ★★

    Thinner's kind of a big, disappointing mess that doesn't know when to fucking end. Most of the characters are either complete dickheads or very annoying and the plot's just fucking garbage, which is sad because I think that it had a better script, it would've been a pretty decent body horror film in the same vein as "The Fly" or "Altered States." The only positive thing that I can say about it is that there are some pretty good special effects and some pretty creepy stuff here and there, but overall I would not recommend this film.


    Rating: 4/10