ANV_ME’s review published on Letterboxd:
Updated: I watched it a second time and still the same result, it’s just a pompous Star Wars with so much exposition in it because the plot is too convoluted. This movie tells you what the story is and doesn’t show you what the story is. Also not sure I’m a Timothée Chalamet fan, he thoroughly underwhelmed in this movie and in French Dispatch.
Original: This movie feels like episode two of a ten part miniseries. You come into the middle of an ongoing story that you get no setup for and then there is no conclusion because you are left with a cliffhanger for things to come in movies down the road. It looks pretty but that’s pretty much it. Just like the 1980s version this is just as confusing, and the worst part is that this is literally just the first half of the story. You have to wait for part 2 to get a resolution to an incoherent Space Wizard Hamlet story that is pretty boring. We’re dropped into the middle of an ongoing story, lots of “things” happen but not really sure why, and then lots of people die that you barely have any connection to because the main focus of this movie is to show off how pretty the desert looks instead of showing us the actions as to why the events in the movie are taking place. Instead the movie just has random spouts of exposition to try and catch you up on this convoluted space opera that feels like it was written in ancient Latin. Space witches, pain boxes, angry albinos, floating death darts, dream sequences to things you won’t see till the next movie, convoluted spy murders that happen then are told through exposition as to why this random character you barely know killed one of the most important characters in the story, spit takes, and super wetsuits. I get it, it’s trying to be Space Shakespeare but it is executed almost as poorly as the soliloquy filled David Lynch version from the 1980s. Sometimes you need to not be true to the book to make a good movie. I care less about getting the stupid space names pronounced correctly than actually having a story of espionage and power struggle in a galactic space kingdom that makes sense. I can walk you through every event that happened in the movie but it still wouldn’t make sense because the motivations aren’t clear. If I served you all the ingredients of a cake but didn’t put them together for you properly it wouldn’t taste like a cake. And that’s what this movie feels like, eating raw eggs, flour, and sugar in your mouth and someone trying to convince you that you’re eating a delicious cake. Well at least the desert they filmed looked pretty.