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  • Breathe

    Breathe

    ★★★

    Otherwise known as The Danish Theory of Imitating Everything Game.

  • Les Misérables

    Les Misérables

    I know next to nothing about film making, but I'm being 100% serious when I say I could have done a better job than this.

    I can't believe Tom Hooper has ever seen a movie musical before because the whole thing is so hamfisted and clunky it's as if West Side Story had never been made. 

    By definition a movie musical on this scale has to be cinematic. It needs grandeur and spectacle, to sweep you away into a place…

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  • Father Goose

    Father Goose

    ★★★

    It should be creepy that a drunken pensioner is perving over gorgeous young Leslie Caron but it’s Cary Grant so somehow all is fine.

  • No Other Woman

    No Other Woman

    ★★★

    Irene needs better lawyers (And taste in men).

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  • Time

    Time

    ★★

    A 90 minute informercial for Fox Rich’s motivational speaking skills. She’s undoubtedly impressive (If all kinds of problematic) but the structure of this doc is an absolute mess with so many plot points missing and unanswered questions it’s hard to follow what little narrative there is. 

    More time is spent waiting for phones to be answered that explaining why anyone is in prison in the first place and even less on why anyone is released. 

    A really frustrating watch.

  • The Irishman

    The Irishman

    ★★

    2019 is the year that Geena Davis is being awarded an Honorary Oscar for her work promoting gender equality in Hollywood 

    It’s also the year that Martin Scorsese (Often heralded as the the worlds greatest living director) releases a 3 1/2 hour, $160m film with maybe 5 female speaking roles. They maybe make up 3 minutes of the screen time. Oscar winner Anna Paquin playing the most substantial female role has precisely 1 line. One fucking line. The longest female…