Dylan has written 22 reviews for films rated .

  • The 2nd

    The 2nd

    This really has the flavor of one of those straight to VHS action movies you’d find Redlettermedia watch on Best of the Worst. There’s no black tank top clad director doing martial arts, but it does appear to exist in that magical reality where a community college campus and house den can pass for a posh boarding school and a room at the Ritz-Carlton respectively.

  • The Kissing Booth

    The Kissing Booth

    Feels like it takes ten years off of your lifespan like some sinister cosmic entity. I was going to shotgun this with the sequel today, but I’m not sure I have the strength to do so now. The mental gymnastics this takes to have a plot is physically taxing.

  • Cats

    Cats

    Somehow not the most horrifying thing I’ve seen today. The world where horrible fetish creatures constantly molt their skin and sing complete gibberish seems like a preferable utopia now.

  • Extraction

    Extraction

    The colors here are so saturated that it looks like a deep fried meme.

  • Grown Ups 2

    Grown Ups 2

    One of the most repugnant yet beguiling things in the history of American cinema. So much leans into anti comedy that you’re bound to find something to enjoy here. I found some particular perverse enjoyment out of Papa Smurf falling out of a tree. But the most perplexing thing is that the Paramount Network is playing this as part of their Halloween marathon! This is almost as strange as that ABC Family promo for Batman Begins. Who is in charge of these horrible programming decisions? I demand to know!

  • The Layover

    The Layover

    A cultural regress.

    For a brief moment I thought they were going to do the “unattractive/undesirable person sits next to protagonist trapping them in their seat and bothering them the whole flight” gag, but it was just the love interest! He looks like the Geico Caveman and he sets the film’s plot in motion!

  • Hard Kill

    Hard Kill

    This is boderline incomprehensible. Bruce Willis wears a big scarf? I don't really have anything else to add, I just want you to know that he wears a comically large scarf in the 2020 film Hard Kill.

  • Money Plane

    Money Plane

    I am only answering Zoom calls as Darius Emmanuel Grouch III (AKA The Rumble). Just so I can have a little taste of the high life.

  • 2 Graves in the Desert

    2 Graves in the Desert

    This movie was literally a tax write off.

  • The Darkness

    The Darkness

    Poltergeist was a great movie.

  • Dangerous Lies

    Dangerous Lies

    Stinky.

    When making a movie, the only question you don’t want your audience to ask is: Why? It dilutes the magic trick that you want to pull off when telling a story. Why should you care if you’re not entirely sure why anything in the film is important or why this story needs to be told. Beginning screenwriting aside, the scummiest thing about Dangerous Lies is the way it attempts to recapture the cinematography of Riverdale within the first ten minutes. Employing the use of neon blue and fluorescent pink to reassure diehard fans that this is worth their time.

  • Deadly Switch

    Deadly Switch

    These Lifetime thrillers are like Chinese finger traps, you laugh and scoff at how absurd the concept is but you slowly become wrapped up in every convoluted twist and turn until it’s too late. You have to see how it ends, even if it costs your sanity.