benhack’s review published on Letterboxd:
its hard to remember the first time of which i was at a detriment to myself, over lockdown ive been extremely lucky, my mental health has been very very good by being able to sustain interaction with my friends virtually and really relishing time with my family, knowing nuances of my heritage etc etc
and I only ever really found myself feeling covetous for normality in isolation out of pure palpable boredom rather than out of a place of depression.
although, what i slowly began to notice were the incremental things slowly becoming subconsciously neglected. Due to my i dont give a shit attitude of being disenfranchised with any school burdens, i found myself neglecting my sleep cycle, a perpetuating succession of late nights only ever spoused a simultaneous feeling of futility of my motivations and denouncing my dream of a career in the film industry in a period of time that was very lucrative in freedom to develop my understanding of the medium.
despite deliberating this notion of late night detriment with myself and even after returning to school, i haven't really been able to reconcile with my pre quarantine sleep schedule of going to sleep at 10:30 instead of 2:30 and waking up at 8 am instead of 1pm.
i also noticed a change in my posture, days and days of copious sitting down anticipating the end of lockdown made my back more and more contorted, my daily exercises had become bereft and my back just kept beginning to ache and pain even more often.
in fact some of the most mundane things i had come to subconsciously neglect, sometimes i would resent brushing my teeth twice a day because it interfered with playing games and i didn't want to be left out of the squad and replaced.
although what i really put this all into retrospect was my hearing, most days i would jam my headphones in my ears and blasted the music beyond a safe threshold and i found my ears becoming more and more sensitive to higher frequencies in noises. When i would wake up this feeling was extrapolated and more severe. occasionally i would experience points where i may hear a high pitch buzz although what made me realise was one night where i couldn't mitigate a whooshing noise, like a seashell to your ear, this was late at night and i fell asleep feeling truly terrified if i was going to wake up and the sound would remain ubiquitous in my ears.
luckily i woke up and found the sound to have completely become diminished, although what it really instigated in me was this feeling of subconscious self neglect, everything that i was doing my body resented and i finally fared the assimilated repercussions of it upon the night i had the whooshing noise.
what all of this finally elicited was an overdue epiphany, despite all of my issues being subconscious i knew that the only way to mitigate my problems was to strike them in a conscious approach. Today i find myself in an adverse position to where i was 10-8 months ago, i still anticipate the end of isolation but i take time to stretch, to exercise and make sure my physical condition is well kept because i cherish the freedom of being able to do so many things with my tangible self as much as the intangible deliberations in my mind.
i found this film to be a catharsis of all of my feelings during lockdown, and i really resonated with most virtues in this film. Riz ahmed gives a benevolent and heart felt performance that truly radiates with appreciation and homage to the american deaf community and all of their endeavours to give kids and adults alike an equal chance in life and to not see deafness as a hindernance from living your life.
i absolutely adore the tenderness and holistic range of emotions that reverberate all through this films run time, as well as knowing that this film brings so much light to the altruistic efforts being made by deaf communities globally
in 2021, whilst times are still arduous but looking up, i know find myself appeased. I'm now more conscious of treating my body properly and with the weather slowly getting better and getting a new camera i really think that 2021 has the potential to be really great!
especially when renee zellweger deftly appears in her living room, announces some scripted bs that will reprimand someone in some way and then she reveals the best actor winner being riz ahmed - this circumstance would be bigger for the uks humility than any festival being hosted as well as the euros happening.
so happy this is getting the criterion treatment, even if it is in 2022, this waiting will be a testament to patience being a virtue, something we've all become all to familiar with!
i adore this film