Old ★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Watching this reminded me of an experience I had in a screenwriting class when we all had to act out a classmate’s script and pretend like it wasn’t stilted, incoherent nonsense. 

Genuinely one of the most unintentionally comedic movies I’ve seen in a long time! There were lines of dialogue so awkwardly written and so blandly delivered I had to stifle a laugh in the theater. I dug the imagery—although the camera direction was a mixed bag—and the gnarly bits of body horror quite a bit. But Shyamalan tears through every moment so fast that none of the shock value has any actual bite to it because the movie and its characters move onto the next thing after barely blinking an eye. 

There’s some decent thematics buried underneath, but the ending completely drops the ball on delivering on its potential. I mean, the movie almost has as many endings as Return of the King of, but unlike that movie, none of these endings are good! 

Alex Wolff and Thomasin McKenzie are the only ones who come out of this unscathed. Their performances were the sole emotional lifeline I had to hold onto, because everyone else was so poorly written and performed that I felt nothing for them at all. Oh, and should we talk about how the only “mentally ill” character becomes a murderer? Because it seems like someone should talk about that.

My 2-star rating feels generous, honestly, but I admire the premise and a lot of the visuals and appreciate how Shyamalan seems to have made the movie he wanted, which is always worth something, in my book. But other than that, very little of this worked for me on any level. The best compliment I can give is that it’s a decent movie to watch at 1am with friends while inebriated by some sort of substance.

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