• Cars 3

    Cars 3

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Were the “Next-Gen” Piston Cup racers really that hard to beat? I mean Cruz was able to slowly take over from McQueen and then win the race whilst preoccupied in conversation (on her first time properly racing too).

    They seriously kill Doc Hudson off screen in the sequel and then expect us to have emotional attachment to him in this movie.

    46/100

  • Cars 2

    Cars 2

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The movie alludes to the "lemons" being mad due to the fact that their car types have stopped being produced. The movie also includes two ongoing car relationships and briefly features the "mother" of the racecar Francesco. How the fuck does reproduction work in this world?

    I would like to have a word with whoever suggested doing a spy theme for this movie. On a separate note however I would like to praise the genius that came up with the names Holly Shiftwell and Finn McMissile

    32/100

  • Cars

    Cars

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Why are cars gendered? How do the cars reproduce? Why do cars have teeth/ tongues? Why do cars have passenger doors? Why are certain vehicles more intelligent than others? How are cars born? Was there a car Holocaust and 911? Do cars have a similar lifespan to humans? Why is there agriculture when cars don't need food? Why are the tractor cows farmed?

    The previous are just 5% of the impending questions that were raised during the coarse of this movie.

    48/100

  • Onward

    Onward

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Exactly how fast of a learner is Ian? Not only is he able to learn enough magic to fight a full scale dragon in under 24 hours but he also manages to become a near flawless driver in a matter of minutes.

    Is there any reason in particular why Laurel Lightfoot chose a man with half a horse body?

    61/100

  • Soul

    Soul

    ★★★½

    Was Joe seriously the only person in thousands of years that wasn't completely content with dying? Surely panic and denial would be a common occurrence.

    Basically; enjoy the simple things in life.

    74/100

  • Coco

    Coco

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Has nobody in the family ever stopped to think that maybe the real villain in the story they tell every year is the husband and not music itself?

    When granny Coco remembers the song, now that is an emotional piece of cinema.

    83/100

  • Inside Out

    Inside Out

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Do the emotions inside Riley's head have emotions inside their head? If so, do the emotions inside the head of the emotions inside Riley's head have emotions inside of their head? If so, do the….∞

    We are nothing but our thoughts, yet our thoughts are not us.

    64/100

  • Up

    Up

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So Carl needs a chair lift to get up and down stairs but is able to easily climb a ladder on the side of a blimp¿ Did he ever think of installing a ladder in his house instead of stairs?

    Pixar's best piece of cinema comes in the first 20 minutes of this film. The full tragedy of an ordinary couple not being able to live out their life long dream together is shown in a short piece of animation with zero dialogue that manages to emotionally captivate you effortlessly, outstanding.

    73/100

  • Toy Story 4

    Toy Story 4

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So if a child's affection is all it takes to make a toy come alive does that mean literally any object can be given life? If so, does that mean countless objects that were at one stage played with are sentient yet unable to do anything since they don't contain something that resembles a mouth/nose/ear/arm etc.?

    Great end to an outstanding series of movies. Woody's character is finished of perfectly.

    76/100

  • Toy Story 3

    Toy Story 3

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Why did Fonso and his gang care so much about toys leaving the Daycare?

    It still baffles me how a movie about talking toys can be so depressing.


    86/100

  • Ratatouille

    Ratatouille

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I mean yeah, Linguini’s being pretty selfish by not giving Remy public credit for his food but is it not more concerning that he didn’t alert anyone that rats (animals that are constantly being killed and poisoned) are in fact highly intelligent, sentient creatures?

    The last 20 minutes or so of this movie are beautiful. Ant Egos speech nearly persuaded me to stop being such a critical arsehole when it comes to movies.... Nearly.

    92/100

  • Finding Dory

    Finding Dory

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Did they seriously allude to Hank not being able to fit through the pipes? I've seen videos of octopus fitting through holes less than an inch.

    Ok, yes, it's a movie about talking fish, but did that octopus really just fucking drive.

    64/100