• Zodiac

    Zodiac

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Was I supposed to bring a notebook and pen? So many goddamn names.

    Those last 50 or so minutes had me immensely captivated. I had no idea what was going on, but I was captivated.

    82/100

  • Watchmen

    Watchmen

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Did the CGI Dr Manhattan's knob in or did Billy Crudup just have it hanging out while filming?

    They were making a movie about masked vigilantes (and a blue god?) so they decided to give one guy a knockoff Batman voice and another guy a knockoff Batman suit. There was also a knockoff rich orphan Bruce Wayne guy.

    51/100

  • The Big Lebowski

    The Big Lebowski

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    You can tell that Walter is a bowling Vietnam war enthusiast who ties himself loosely with a religion and calls out gangsters for being amateurs from just the way he walks.

    The perfect representation of fuck it/ that's life/ shit happens/ aw well.
    That rug did tie the room together to be fair though.

    87/100

  • Donnie Darko

    Donnie Darko

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Holy fuck, Is Donnie a modern day Jesus Christ with redefined, truer values of holyness?

    This film eerily gripped and fascinated me right up an ending that left so many beautifully terrifying questions in my head.
    "Borderline schizo, sort of fine tits though"- MF Doom.

    93/100

  • Django Unchained

    Django Unchained

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So Mr Candie fucks his sister?

    The racism in this movie is angering and discomforting (as it should to be) at the start yet the sheer ridiculous extent and volume of it becomes comedic for some reason. Samuel L. Jackson's character is damn hilarious. Tarantino's best without a shadow of a doubt.

    97/100

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Everyone was like "for Frodo'' whilst Sam kills Shelob, collects the ring, saves Frodo from the orcs, carries Frodo up the Volcano and lastly saves Frodo from falling into lava. Was a "For Frodo and Sam" too long?

    From Gollum's trickery to Denethor's evil madness to the many enthralling battles throughout. A magnificent way to finish off the greatest trilogy/ series of all time.

    98/100

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Is the life of an elf worth more than the life of a man? I mean they are goddamn immortal. The elves that went into battle at Helm's Deep were just about to head off to Valinor where they would live to the end of time. They were either incredibly selfless to help the men or suicidal (I don't know if I'd want to live out a full eternity to be fair).

    Smeagols disturbing conflict with Gollum, the gripping march of the Ents, the engrossing battle of Helm's Deep. The fact this isn't the best movie of the trilogy is amazing.

    97/100

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    It's such a shame that this long, perilous, on foot journey was necessary. If only there was a virtuous group of giant eagles that could drop Frodo off at Mount Doom….oh wait.
    Seriously though, Gandalf gets around Middle Earth like it's nothing, could he not have got a better mode of transport for the fellowship?

    It's a similar pattern every time; 20 minutes in and I'm sucked back into the beautiful fantasy of Middle-earth. 40 minutes in and I become…

  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I'm a little confused, why are people so angry about this movie? I mean yes I understand, they drew as much cash as they could get from a small book (I believe this whole movie is less than a chapter in the book). But who cares, it allows us to spend more time in middle earth and watch some sick middle earth battles.

    Dáin II Ironfoot (aka the hog rider from Clash of Clans) is elite. This motherfucker was headbutting helmeted orcs and knocking them out.

    79/100

  • The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What do the giant spiders eat? Giant flies?
    What did Smaug eat? Gold?

    These dwarves would be truly fucked without Bilbo.
    It's cool to see Gandalf be genuinely powerful in combat.

    84/100

  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

    The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Is Gandalf limited to one ultimate use of power per fight? He goes from splitting rocks in half to lighting pine cones on fire. Sure does know how to make an entrance though.

    I don't know if it's the fantasy facet, the peacefulness, the colourful and naturistic scenery, the dangers and mystery that lie outside it or the simplistic and socially (yet not technologically) advanced society within it but the Shire is extremely attractive. I want to live there.
    The Gollum riddle scene is phenomenal.

    86/100

  • Reservoir Dogs

    Reservoir Dogs

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Was Mr Pink a professional? He didn't mention it.
    I'm genuinely pissed off that the weasley Steve Buscemi character was the only one to survive.

    In the average movie standoff you expect (or know) that the main characters will survive. In a Tarantino movie standoff it's the opposite.

    76/100