Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice ★★

Okay, okay. Everything's been said about this thing by now, so I'm going to try and keep this relatively brief.

Right off the top, I didn't like this. Almost fell asleep within the first half-hour, so I opted to play a good deal of the movie in 1.5x speed. It's easy enough to harp on how dreary and thuddingly dull the film is, but this is a serious bore. And I know it's cheap to resort to the "b-word" when complaining about a movie, but to make myself clear, I'm not even upset over DC's choice to be ultra self-serious and overwrought (it's not like we go to blockbusters for fun or anything). No, it really has more to do with the fact that everything going on is so dreadfully uninteresting — the characters, their motivations, their actions, all of it.

It's a major issue when you can see the gears of the script turning as you're watching a film and that's what happens here. Made up of multiple threads contorting themselves to fit into a still incoherent whole, most of the film feels like it's hurrying to move its pieces around in time for a bombastic climax (of 'splosions and punching, just like in the last film). It's overly busy and convoluted, focusing on overstuffing the story with a million plot points (and plot holes), while mistaking pseudo-philosophical one-liners and monologues for soul and genuine meaning. Meanwhile, Jesse Eisenberg (in a Razzie-worthy head-scratcher of a performance) constantly name-drops mythological figures, cites ancient translations and quotes classic literature in an attempt to make the writing seem more intelligent and thoughtful than it is.

Once again, Zack Snyder crafts what is ultimately a trailer editor's wet dream. Just like his other films, Batman v Superman is made up of epic trailer MOMENTS and LINES, but doesn't work as a cohesive cinematic experience. It's too cold and removed to be emotionally resonant, it's too dumb and on-the-nose to be fascinating on a thematic level and I could not give less of a shit about any of the characters (which makes the ending a shrug-worthy affair).

A handful of effective scenes (such as Batman's warehouse sequence and the capital bombing) and some pretty imagery is all I got out of it. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention how huge portions of the film have nothing to do with the plot at hand, instead cramming in awkward setups to future films and plot lines. If you're not a comic book fan, a lot of that stuff is going to leave you in the dark.

A generous 2/5.

I'm only watching this because it's one of last year's most talked-about films and I thought it would be good to at least have an opinion on it. Also, I'm doing this as part of a masochistic DC double-feature. Try and guess what the second item on the menu is...

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