• Despicable Me 2

    Despicable Me 2

    ★★★½

    Everything a kids movie should be.

  • Ender's Game

    Ender's Game

    Do you recall that very short moment in your younger life between reading Ender's Game and finding out that Orson Scott Card was one of the biggest douches to walk the face of the earth? Yea. This movie sucks. Don't give him any of your money. He'll just do something douchey with it.

    Also: Harrison Ford, please stop. Just. Stop.

  • Last Vegas

    Last Vegas

    Studio Exec 1: "What about 'The Hangover' but with old guys?!"
    Studio Exec 2: "Perfect!"
    You: "Fuck."

  • Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

    Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

    It has always struck me as odd how the public succumbs to the marketing around movies like Borat and Bad Grandpa. The only explanation for why movies like this are widely praised while their lesser brethren go mostly ignores is beyond me. It can only be the run up and marketing. Where the Jackass movies are sublime examinations of Gen X-Gen Y video tape culture, this staged cringefest ends as a sad attempt at one last money grab.

  • Dom Hemingway

    Dom Hemingway

    I am still not sure what this movie was, but the end was total shit. There is no question Jude Law can own a role, but this was one of those movies that has no idea what its trying to be.

  • Captain Phillips

    Captain Phillips

    ★★★★

    Every time I get to hating Tom Hanks for his sometimes preachy or overly sentimental/moral movies he pulls out a dinger like this.
    I recall reading this story online as it unfolded. As I was watching it, I was thinking, "oh I'll bet they don't show the part where the SEALS come in and fuck those guys shit up... " I was wrong.

  • The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

    The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

    ★★★½

    How is it that a movie that is obviously geared for a VERY wide audience can still make me feel like a creeper while I watch it?
    I suppose it is the same reason I read these books on tablet and not in paperback. HEY LOOK AT ME I LIKE POST APOCALYPTIC TEEN LIT
    This movie was pretty great both as a movie and as an adaptation.

  • American Hustle

    American Hustle

    This movie would have benefited from a director whose only goal wasn't to get me to stop watching this film.
    It's an OK movie that could have been amazing, but was instead right on the edge of being unwatchable save for the performances of the (one assumes) very expensive and talented cast.

  • Gravity

    Gravity

    Back when Dennis Hopper was still almost interesting, he made a movie called "Speed"that assured he would never be interesting again.
    This is that same movie, but in SPACE! And SLOW!

  • Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

    Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

    You remember that one scene in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, the one where you laughed and laughed. Then you left the theater and your friends quoted it to each other over beers that same night? Good. Hold on to that feeling, because this movie doesn't have any of those scenes. None.
    This movie made me like Paul Rudd a whole lot less, and I tend to like Paul Rudd.

  • The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

    The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

    Sometimes you think Hollywood cannot outdo itself with it's own sense of self-entitlement and hubris. Then you see a movie like this and you are reminded you are wrong.
    It could have been worse, it could have been better too. Sean Penn, what in the hell are you doing? I only hope that paycheck went to Haiti or something.

  • The Wolf of Wall Street

    The Wolf of Wall Street

    ★★★★½

    First, who knew Leonardo DiCaprio had such comedy in him. Thinking back to Growing Pains, I suppose anyone who has spent more than 6 minutes with Kirk Cameron would need to have a pretty good sense of humor.
    This movie, thankfully, has nothing to do with Kirk or his wacky homoerotic firemen.
    This is a great film, its Superbad meets Goodfellas. Or something.