bstree has written 8 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • The Internship

    The Internship

    Scene: Movie Executive Boardroom 1997
    Movie Exec 1: " Boy that Wedding Crashers movie did pretty well!"
    Flash forward 2012:
    Movie Exec 1: "What about Google Crashers?!"
    Movie Exec 2: "Fantastic, we'll use the same script and cast!"
    You: "fuck."

  • The Great Gatsby

    The Great Gatsby

    Baz Luhrman made one of my very favorite movies, one that fucked with the same conventions that Gatsby fails to fuck with. This was probably the most disingenuous movies I've seen. Its slick, dull and uninteresting. We've all read the book, yes, all of us except Baz. It is so bad it makes me fearful to go back and watch Moulin Rouge.

  • Now You See Me

    Now You See Me

    Saw this on an airplane. I also saw this when it was about poker. and every other time I've seen a shitty heist movie.

  • We're the Millers

    We're the Millers

    The next time someone says that we, as a culture, are just as smart as we've ever been, just invite them to watch this movie. It's like some inside joke you overheard at a restaurant. You heard it, you understand why it should be funny and the fact that the people in the booth next to you are laughing just pisses you off.
    Also: Jennifer Aniston starring as Jennifer Aniston. Evidence that the writers on Friends were excellent. Instead of…

  • Ender's Game

    Ender's Game

    Do you recall that very short moment in your younger life between reading Ender's Game and finding out that Orson Scott Card was one of the biggest douches to walk the face of the earth? Yea. This movie sucks. Don't give him any of your money. He'll just do something douchey with it.

    Also: Harrison Ford, please stop. Just. Stop.

  • Last Vegas

    Last Vegas

    Studio Exec 1: "What about 'The Hangover' but with old guys?!"
    Studio Exec 2: "Perfect!"
    You: "Fuck."

  • 47 Ronin

    47 Ronin

    As proven by every movie since the first Matrix, Keanu just cannot slow down bullets in real life. He also cannot slow down the long slide of his career.
    Kurosawa pooped things better than this movie.

  • The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger

    When I was young there was an urban legend that Kimosahbee meant "horse shit", and that Tonto called the Lone Ranger this as an inside joke.
    This movie is Kemosahbee.