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  • Chopping Mall

    Chopping Mall

    ★★★★

    (someone meeting an american for the first time) so what's it like over there? basically you guys just eat pizza, make out, and buy machine guns at the mall to protect you from the murderous police robots right?

  • Mrs. Serial Killer

    Mrs. Serial Killer

    ★★★★★

    one of my favorite types of movie is the kind that asks the viewer to let go of reality and get on the wavelength of whatever alternate planet the story takes place on - insane situations, unnatural dialogue, inexplicable human behavior, aesthetics that are unrecognizable as real locations in our universe. from the first frame it's obvious this is one of those - the whole thing looks like it's set in a lurid dollhouse, where even the outdoor scenes have…

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  • La La Land

    La La Land

    ★★★

    i don't care what anyone - including the director - says, this movie is only about one thing: the soft spot you'll always have for the first obnoxious dumbass you fell in love with

  • Minions

    Minions

    when i say i would die for my daughter, it doesn't only mean i would give her a vital organ or make her drink the last of the water in a desert or take her place in front of an oncoming speeding vehicle or pull her out of a burning building. it also means i will die thousands upon thousands of small deaths - i watched the seconds of my life tick slowly away as i endured the mind-numbing boredom…