Half a star for David Thewlis' powerful middle-age british mustache acting it's way through the Aries battle helmet.

This accomplished the herculean task of finally getting sea shanties out of my head.

Zemeckis went horny on main.

Somehow a movie where Tom Cruise sings directly into Malin Åkerman's ass isn't campy enough.

Best trivia: "A replica of LA's iconic Hollywood sign was placed on a landfill for filming, the closest Miami had to a mountain.