• King of New York

    King of New York

    ★★★★★

    Not even an hour in and I loooove this movie. Even the Acer laptop ads that come with imdb TV bother me that much.

    But seriously. Nasty, spiteful cops, pre-parody of himself Walken, a pile of actors who'd be around crime movies and shows for the next decade or three, really nicely shot, and a guy shouting ROOM SERVICE MOTHERFUCKERS whilst blasting other criminals with a Desert Eagle. Bless the 90s in general and this film in particular.

  • Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

    ★★★★★

    Omg this movie.

    But first: A history of Tarantino movies and I.

    My mom got the VHS tape of Pulp Fiction in, iirc, 1995 or 1996 (and I’d bet she still has it) and let me watch it. Loved that movie so damn much! I saw Reservoir Dogs at some point too, and also liked that.

    I did not see Jackie Brown, and still haven’t, although it does look pretty good. Just never quite appeared solidly on the radar; it…

  • Underwater

    Underwater

    ★★★

    So this was really damn fun!

    My stepson and I share a liking for horror films; I took him to see this for his eighteenth birthday a few days ago. 

    I enjoyed it way more than I honestly thought I was going to. Is it perfect? No. Is it an awesomely energetic 90 minutes with a pile of jump scares, AWESOME production values, scary monsters, clear borrows from Alien and Dead Space, and Kristen Stewart?

    (She's the shit nowadays btw.…

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    So, just go ahead and buy Fallen Order, it's discounted on Steam right now and is the best Star Wars thing this year.

  • Doctor Sleep

    Doctor Sleep

    ★★★★★

    So after the bitter experience of the mediocrity of IT: Chapter Two, this movie.

    This damn movie.

    IS SO GREAT.




    I wasn’t really a fan of the book it is based on; it meanders a lot, and I felt confused about where people were geographically (important when the book involves a road trip from Maine to Colorado!) and I felt the villains weren’t very threatening, and that the book overall just didn’t have a whole lot of tension.

    The movie…

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    How do you fuck this up? You had one job. ONE.

    IT Chapter 2, mangled from the 1980s portion of the classic novel by Stephen King, is trash. It somehow occupies three hours and does nothing with it. 

    You have Jessica Chastain playing one of King’s hands-down best female characters, who in the novel undergoes escaping from her monstrously abusive husband, coming to terms about why she married a guy who beat her while they were dating, and what that…

  • Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    ★★★★

    holy shit this movie.

    I am going to say some things that, for a film not featuring Godzilla, would be unflattering. Ignore them and see this movie, ideally on an IMAX  screen because there's shots too big for anything smaller, and after ingesting some rattlesnake venom, because this film is looking to totally overwhelm you visually and you might as well be semiconscious anyway.

    there's a plot I guess. Some shit about releasing giant monsters to restore balance. That gets…

  • Predators

    Predators

    ★★★★

    So this movie has been on my mind since the giant cluster that was The Predator crashed last year.

    Its...pretty damn good, tbh. Adrien Brody is a strange pick for action sci-fi, but he does a good job. Most of the rest of the cast I don't really recognize, besides Topher Grace in a weirdly pointless but decidedly creepy role. There's no particular reason for this character, beyond setting up the ending in a way where the humans can conceivably win, but…