Drew Edelstein’s review published on Letterboxd:
2 hours and 49 minutes.
Hundreds if not thousands of human hands all working in flurried tandem, building sets and rendering effects and painting makeup and moving cameras and setting lights and dumping water and igniting fuses, absolute madness of the highest order for every second that unfolds.
This film, the bloated, lopsided mess, is an epic of the highest order, and the strangest thing ever made. It contains:
- A crab army
- Tens of Johnny Depps
- Flat Earth theory
- Pirate law
- A giantess that turns into a vortex
- Emo squidman Bill Nighy
- Infinite barnacles
- Basically anything else you could ever imagine
Disney spent $300 million to bring this absolute insanity to life, the strangest epic of all time, madcap and sentimental and strange in equal turn, a crusty sailor's tale on steroids.
Was I not supposed to love this?