• Fool's Day

    Fool's Day

    Ngl, this might be the greatest short film I’ve ever seen. 

    Also is it worrying that I kinda wish this would happen in my current school situation? 

    Also yes, I watched this because of you Dermot

  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    ★★

    I honestly don’t understand how so many people on tiktok defend this film. This movie is a complete mess full of subplots after subplots after subplots that would have all set up amazing Spider-Man 3 which never even happened, leaving the end to this film in very bad taste. At least Sam raimi’s Spider-Man 3 was its own thing and didn’t waste its time trying to set up Spider-Man 4. 

    This movie probably had like 1-2 good scenes and I…

  • The Amazing Spider-Man

    The Amazing Spider-Man

    ★★★

    Can there just be a Spider-Man movie that doesn’t need to have romance as a centered plot point? (Oh yeah Spider-Man: into the spider verse) 

    Maybe I’m just an incel or maybe I’m just jealous that i’ve never dated a woman in my life, but I literally can’t with these stupid love stories. God I’m so lonely

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★★

    I think I’d gladly defend saying that this is my favorite Spider-Man movie. I don’t care what any 40 year old Maguire fans or teenage Garfield fans or even teenage girl Holland fans say, this is my favorite adaptation 

    I can also get into a whole story about how I relate to miles in this story but I don’t want to be pretentious so I’ll just keep that to myself. Great job with this one Sony.

  • Spider-Man 3

    Spider-Man 3

    ★★★

    This movie is the definition of mediocre, but I’d still prefer to watch it over the amazing Spider-Man or far from home, even though they’re objectively better. Here are my main questions 

    -why didn’t venoms meteor cause a giant explosion or some loud noise?

    -why didn’t venom activate peters spider sense when he first latched onto his bike? 

    -why does venom show up from absolute nowhere? Couldn’t he at least be from a lab or something? What are the chances…

  • Spider-Man 2

    Spider-Man 2

    ★★★★½

    Easily 10x better than the first, but hell anybody can tell you how great this movie is so lets instead talk about those evil dead references

    I started flat out laughing when I saw Bruce Campbell as the announcer in the first one and now the usher in this one. Friken amazing actor. I actually saw a theory that he was mysterio and that would make so much sense for his actor, it’s literally perfect. Honestly the operating table scene…

  • Spider-Man

    Spider-Man

    ★★★½

    The evil dead: most 70s movie to release in 1981

    Army of darkness: most 80s movie to release in 1992

    Spider-Man (2002): most 90s movie to release in 2002

    Doctor strange 2: probably gonna be the most early 2000s movie to release in 2022/2023

    ——

    Ngl I was kinda disappointed by this movie upon rewatch. I think I stand saying that Mary Jane might just be the worst written female character in history. Honestly she’s such a tool and I can’t stand how almost every scene is centered around her love triangle between Harry and Peter. That’s my only complaint tho

  • Next Floor

    Next Floor

    Capitalism: the movie

  • Moneyball

    Moneyball

    ★★★★★

    “Hey Cnyborg whats your opinion on marvel phase 4”

    “I’m just sayin, its a six at best”


    Also this is probably Chris Pratt’s best role

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★★½

    Recovering for hereditary #2: I’ve started sleeping with the lights off but watching this movie did NOT help. Hell this review isn’t helping. I’m scared of the corners in my room…


    Basically this movie: 

    Willem Dafoe: “what?”
    Robert Pattinson: “what?”
    Willem Dafoe: “what?”
    Robert Pattinson: “what?”
    Willem Dafoe: “what?”
    Robert Pattinson: “what?”
    Willem Dafoe: “what?”
    Robert Pattinson: “what?”
    Willem Dafoe: “what?”
    Robert Pattinson: “what?”
    Siren: “what?”
    Cthulhu: “what?”
    Ephraim: “what?”
    Probably the lighthouse: “what?”
    Me: “what?” 

    *Fart noise*


    Also Jees A24. What is your obsession with semen and animals? Cmon now….

  • Eternals

    Eternals

    ★★

    Well…well…well. I guess my theory was correct. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, back when the trailer for this first came out I came up with a theory about Kevin Feige. 

    My theory was that Kevin Feige only said this was the greatest pitch he ever received only because he realized how crap the pitch actually was and he wanted to build some hype anyway. Guess I was right

    This movie was so lame. All the…

  • The Far Cry Experience

    The Far Cry Experience

    I just wanted to make this my review for Far Cry 3 because… why not right? 

    To be honest I was a little bit disappointed with the game because I felt like every mission was just go to X to get Y to go to Z. It was very bland gameplay and Vaas only shows up for like 15 minutes. 

    Nonetheless the story was decent and the premises was as-well, but I feel like my expectations were perhaps too high because of all the reviews I've seen for this game. 

    Vaas also should have been the villain for the whole game.