• Godzilla Against MechaGodzilla

    Godzilla Against MechaGodzilla

    My favorite thing about this movie is the title. They’ve already done the title Godzilla Vs. MechaGodzilla in the Showa era, and then the Heisei era had Godzilla Vs. MechaGodzilla II (though the two films aren’t actual sequels). Rather than go with Godzilla Vs. MechaGodzilla III in this new era, they go Godzilla AGAINST MechaGodzilla and just 🤌 mwah!

    This one is actually pretty fun, not as good as the previous entry, but it goes fun dumb mode for most…

  • Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

    Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

    This one has got so much good stuff, even if it isn’t always perfect. Some of these scenes are so outrageous, or even inspired in some cases, that all I want to do is recount my favorite parts, so that I can read this and remember in the future. Like the man who was trying to peacefully commit suicide in the forest, until he falls into a secret hidden Ghidorah cave. Or maybe its interesting how we follow “Digital Q”…

  • Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: The G Extermination Strategy

    Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: The G Extermination Strategy

    “You asked me, “Why would a woman want to fight Godzilla?”

    I avoided the dub this time, but its all still pretty dumb in the original Japanese.

    Black hole guns just seem like they would always be a bad idea, in every situation. Black hole grenades, however? Those are objectively cool, just ask Thor The Dark World, a movie made better just by having black hole grenades. Whoever invented the black hole gun was a bozo.

    This one is pretty…

  • The People vs. Larry Flynt

    The People vs. Larry Flynt

    Milos Forman really had a thing in the 90s for biopics of controversial figures who redefine what was “all right” in society in their fields and marrying them to Courtney Love.

    Not as good as Man on the Moon, and it loses a lot of steam towards the end, but still a better courtroom drama than Trial of the Chicago Seven.

    Maybe I missed a beat, but Woody Harrelson is suddenly doing a Tony Clifton impression through the second half.

    *HBO Max*

  • My First Mister

    My First Mister

    You know at this point that this is an Albert Brooks stan account. You know you can always come here to find the Brooks love train going full steam, baby 🚂 

    So you’d think you’d ask me, you’d ask “Colton, what is Albert Brooks’ best performance?” And before today I’d whip out the Modern Romance, I’d hit you with the Lost in America, and just when you think I’m done I come in with the haymaker, Broadcast News. After today?…

  • Godzilla 2000: Millennium

    Godzilla 2000: Millennium

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Three years ago I had never seen a Japanese Godzilla film, but over the last couple summers I’ve gone into the Showa Era and Heisei era films, and this year I started the Millennium films early because of the new American film coming out.

    This one is pretty front loaded with Godzilla. If you want Godzilla smashing things, getting blasted by UFOs, then the first forty minutes have you covered. It’s pretty bland compared to some of the better films…

  • Zack Snyder's Justice League

    Zack Snyder's Justice League

    More cohesive as a narrative than the originally released cut, but the narrative is still dumb with unclear character motives and logic gaps. Also this is 4 hours, whereas the 2017 one was under two hours, so if you’re gonna be a mess, be quick about it.

    The Flash stuff was all pretty good!

    *HBO Max live texted w/ Sam & Becca*

  • Red Dot

    Red Dot

    There are better written thrillers involving snipers and characters using their wits to survive in the snowy wilderness. I know, I’ve read the scripts.

    What a LUDICROUS twist


  • Concussion


    Watched it for my boy Albert, but exposing that football might terrible is also my jam.

    Will Smith is good, though the script is pretty weak, lacking any sort of nuance in the subjects it’s tackling and all of the dialogue is pretty on the nose. The real stuff here though, is pretty interesting, and terrible.


  • Quigley Down Under

    Quigley Down Under

    Matthew Quigley is a badass. This whole movie is pretty awesome? Laura San Giacomo is great in this, and I was bummed she was written out of the third act. Alan Rickman is great, though not really breaking any new Alan Rickman ground.

    Just a good ol fashioned badass western flick. Lots of fun shootouts, sweeping vistas, what else do you need?


  • Da 5 Bloods

    Da 5 Bloods

    Delroy Lindo should get all of the awards


  • War Dogs

    War Dogs

    Pain & Gain and The Big Short had some kind of fucked up baby.

    WOOOOOOOOF. The mental gymnastics this movie does to get us to try and like these characters. This is insulting to anyone who can think. Its got every cliche in the book, it’s completely lazy in it’s writing with a king sized portion of expository voice over. Did a teenage boy right this? Feels like a Michael Bay film with less style than those typically have.

    The fucking irony of the use of some of the songs in scenes in this is rivaled only by some of Donald Trump’s Presidential events team.