Thunderball

Thunderball ★★½

FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY: A BOND-A-THON

Bond, James Bond: The Official Letterboxd Ranking

This review will be written with as little urgency as the subject of this review was made, well I'm writing it underwater of course. Connery and everyone else on Team EON sleepwalks through this snoozer. After conquering the world with Goldfinger, why try hard? Please forgive me, I'm having a hard time remembering the details but why does this open with Bond at a health spa? I shall concentrate on the few elements of the film that stood tall: the SPECTRE meeting, the name of the boat- Disco Volante- sounds like a Bond movie character on its own, the skyhook escape, the "he gets the point" quip after the harpooning of poor dumb Vargas (he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't make ze love, what DO you do, Vargas?), Fiona Volpe as played with sexy menace by Luciana Paluzzi is a great henchie and is involved in the best scene in the movie- the dance of death "my friend is sitting out this one, she's dead", let's see what else...Maurice Binder's opening credits.

Can't think of anything else at the moment. I think literally every other Bondian element fails in this one- the lead actor, editing, the Bond gang, Felix, the music, the pacing, the (in)action, the gadgets (oh, the jet pack was funny), the "British-Off" in the conference room sucked (how much did that 12'X15' map of the Atlantic cost and you're only going to pull it down for 10 seconds before putting it away again?).

And you're going to under-crank the camera on everything else EXCEPT THE EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW UNDERWATER SCENES?!?

Oh yes, what a gentleman Bond is for extorting sex at the spa. I ask you, is that what a "cool dude" does?

Fuck this movie, on to You Only Live Twice already.

***Edit*** I'm bumping up my rating to 2.5 stars (and the world shudders!) for the underwater cinematography and for everything Vargas does (or doesn't do). And maybe not "fuck this movie" but just will let it fade in memory.

***another edit*** oh yeah, "Hand me my clothes" which Connery gives a bathing Fiona a pair of shoes. Good scene.

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