Favorite films

  • Tokyo Drifter
  • Wild at Heart
  • Repo Man
  • Hard Ticket to Hawaii

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All
  • Blue Ice

    ★★

  • Old

    ★★★

  • Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

    ★★★★

  • Reign of Fire

    ★★★½

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  • Blue Ice

    Blue Ice

    ★★

    y’all ever seen michael caine frenching sean young while holding two live crabs

  • Old

    Old

    ★★★

    count me as one of the people who think M Night actually has a very acute sense of humor that's exclusively on the formal side. Setting up wild conflicts and jokingly letting them deflate or relishing their inevitable conclusion is what really gets his motor going.

    Old, similar to his other best "director jail" movies are like those meandering jokes that are only enjoyable for the person delivering them. I used to have a favorite joke as a kid about…

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  • Tiptoes

    Tiptoes

    ★★★★★

    Gary Oldman plays a little person.

    Matthew McConaughey is his twin brother.

    Their father is the dwarf from Twin Peaks.

    Peter Dinklage is a French motorcycle riding marxist misogynist.

    Patricia Arquette stole Gary Oldman's hair from True Romance.

    Kate Beckinsale stole Gary Oldman's hair from Dracula.

    David Alan Grier has sex with dwarf porn star Bridget Powers.

    Best movie ever.

  • USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

    USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

    ½

    The US government has a very secret and risky mission they can't tell anyone about, so they gather everyone together and everyone goes "oh is this a manhattan project" and the government blushes and winks. All the best seamen are enlisted because they do swing dancing and get into race wars in their spare time.

    Nic Cage is the captain because he is very good at talking directly into the camera, and by extension my soul. At one point his…