• Rumble in the Bronx

    Rumble in the Bronx


    The weakest Jackie Chan film I've seen yet, but even that isn't a terrible thing to be. To be fair, some of this is likely due to my own preferences -- half of what I love about kung-fu type movies is the opportunity to immerse myself in a different environment and culture. Bringing Jackie Chan to America just serves to put me on the usual streets and convenience stores that I see everywhere, adding in motorcycle gangs and the like.…

  • Street of Shame

    Street of Shame


    Film #94 that was recommended to me -- now subject to loose, arbitrary ranking! (Recommended by Nick J)

    Quick note, I noticed I just broke 900 followers! It feels really good, thanks. Sorry I'm not too active here with other people's reviews recently -- I'm finally feeling largely better (fingers crossed), but now that, as I mentioned in another review, I've started trying to learn Japanese, reading a bunch of reviews here is the sort of thing that I've been…

  • Police Story

    Police Story


    All over the place, generally for the better. This is a movie where the crunchiest, most impressive and meaty action alternates with, say, a scene of Jackie Chan stepping in feces and moonwalking it off. The silly and the serious co-exist, though often segmented enough that silliness doesn't detract from the the stakes of the real narrative. The action is every bit as fantastic as I've come to expect from Jackie Chan, and he's a remarkable comedic actor, often putting…

  • The Lost Missile

    The Lost Missile

    Watched via The Mads Live.

    Unless the mood strikes me, I'm probably going to keep most reviews a little more short and to the point for the sake of time. So: this movie does the exact opposite. At only 70 minutes, it's crazy how padded it is. The stock footage is overused and squeezed of every possible second so hard that (to steal an observation from my girlfriend) this movie just about invented a French New Wave technique. That is,…

  • The Elephant Man

    The Elephant Man


    This has been an incredibly long time coming. I've told this story before I think, but I first got truly into films through my interests in weird art leading me to the surrealism of David Lynch. This was around high school, which I'm realizing now, if it was early enough, was roughly half my life ago... damn. I watched Eraserhead, and then eagerly devoured most of Lynch's films, notably skipping Dune, The Straight Story, and this, because those are the…

  • Executive Koala

    Executive Koala


    Now get this -- this guy's an executive, but he's not human, he's a koala. What will they think of next, a man who is a pickle? That's actually a timely original idea, because the koala's company sells pickles and pickled food.

    I'm a person who can enjoy a good goofy fun movie, but I enter something like this with a lot of reservations. Is the movie just going to be coasting on the premise forever? That gets tiring quickly;…

  • Tokyo Drifter

    Tokyo Drifter


    I have a bad habit of making half of these reviews about myself, but they're usually relevant to why I'm watching something or part of my experience with it, I promise! So, here's what's up this time. I decided a couple days ago that I'm finally going to make myself actually learn Japanese. I've thought that sounded enjoyable for a long time, and even had one very failed attempt many years ago (I stalled out pretty much as soon as…

  • Junior Prom

    Junior Prom

    Watched via Rifftrax.

    I'm glad I wasn't alive for 40s culture. To be fair, part of me thinks it wasn't totally like this -- in fact, the entire movie feels like an imposition on the teens it was targeted at. That is, with every plot point so toothless, free of any real conflict, urgency, or significant meaning, it's like a 40s adult's declaration of what the world of teens is like. Everyone strives to support and better their school (hah!).…

  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon


    I'm still fighting with my body and struggling to come up with words; go easy on me <3


    Strikes me as good (visual) presentation of somewhat weak material. That's not so bad -- if I'm going into a wuxia, presentation is critical. I need the flying sword fights to look good, and that they do. Weapons clash in beautiful places, wielded by cool looking people, and the heavy use of wirework makes for an otherworldly elegance. What's especially important…

  • Oh, Boy! Babies!

    Oh, Boy! Babies!


    Watched via Rifftrax.

    Hope you all are doing well. I felt pretty bad yesterday; these vaccines kick my ass. In the moments I could bring myself to watch something, though, I watched this.

    Given the horrible nature of most of these shorts the people at Rifftrax dig up, it's a pleasant surprise to finally have something nice to say about one. Oh, Boy! Babies! presents as a short on infant care, but it's more about the emotional and social side.…

  • Flash That Smile

    Flash That Smile


    Watched via Rifftrax.

    I don't know if you can believe this, but a short created by the American Dental Association to encourage flossing and going to the dentist is not very good entertainment. Most of the short consists of two dancing segments set to some truly awful music, the worst part being a breakdance performance involving a lot of air flossing and brushing. Good if you enjoy recoiling in secondhand embarrassment. Then a woman in a bathroom gives an impromptu…

  • Kiss of the Tarantula

    Kiss of the Tarantula


    Watched via Rifftrax.

    Today was vaccine dose number 2, so expect more reviews of schlocky mindless Rifftrax stuff. I've already not been feeling great recently, so I hope dose 2 goes a little easier on me than 1 did. Thus far I'm just incredibly tired, was on the verge of dozing off throughout this movie. Plus, when I got back, my car engine somehow kept running for a few minutes after I turned the key off and some white smoke…