Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead ★½

I take back everything good I’ve ever said about movies... I think they might have been a mistake.

I was excited for this. It looked really stupid and really fun, and I’ll watch pretty much anything with Dave Bautista in it. But I audibly sighed when I knew exactly where this was headed when a slow piano cover of Viva Las Vegas kicked in around the fifteen minute mark. The film has a seemingly straight face. It’s indulgent in some of the worst ways. It’s too long. It’s derivative but it doesn’t seem to do anything new with the material it’s riffing on. I can’t see what’s going on from time to time. People and storylines fully disappear from the film. The music choices vary from “I get it” to being hilariously bad. There’s too much going on. I felt nothing. There’s a choir singing while incredibly dumb shit is happening. Then, the movie ended. I had some fun enjoying the mess, but this movie is just not great... but who knows maybe we’ll have fun with the prequel or the comic book or the anime or the spinoff or the reboot or the sequel. 

Note: The sequence where they’re breaking into the vault is a genuinely fun sequence. I wish the whole movie was like that.

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