Brightburn ★★

I know the conception of this movie supposedly predates this version of events, but my preferred scenario for how this piece of shit got made is that James Gunn was over at the apartment his cousin and brother obviously share so they could cheer him up from his recent firing by Disney by watching the "actual best superhero movie" Man of Steel ("Way better than all that MCU crap...well of course except for yours, Jimbo"), and Mark and Brian toke up (James has never smoked weed, and demurs), and come up with the incredible and original idea of "Superman, but what if he's bad," while James stares blankly at the TV, on which he doesn't even have the energy to explain why they should turn off the motion smoothing, but even with it on the movie still looks bananas, and maybe his films are a waste of time since even with "licensing Fleetwood Mac money" he can't come up with shit this wild, and then his mind wanders back to its previous track wherein he is mentally going line-by-line through what he can remember of his Tromeo and Juliet screenplay to determine which lines he had never realized before are problematic (most of them), and so he barely registers the question when he agrees with a nod to produce whatever movie Mark and Brian have been talking excitedly about, and they run off gleefully to get writing, and by the time all 14 hours of Man of Steel have ended (long enough that he fears he may be so adjusted to the motion smoothing that he's used to it now and it won't bother him anymore) he can't find them anywhere since they've disappeared off to White Castle for some congratulatory sliders for finishing their one and only draft of their screenplay, the sound of the printing of which has drawn James to their office, and which has already been greenlit with no further drafts needed thanks to James' verbal agreement to produce, and he picks up the latest page to pop out of the printer, hot off the press, and starts to read, and oh god what has he done, what in god's name has he done?!

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