Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood ★★★

"It's official old buddy, I'm a has-been" ~ Rick Dalton...

...referencing Tarantino's career since Sally Menke's passing.

You know how Pulp Fiction is kinda like a jigsaw puzzle of a story with a coherent, compelling thread that runs thru it and brings it all together to a satisfying climax? Once Upon a Time in Hollywood feels exactly like that. Except without the coherent, compelling thread that runs thru it and brings it all together to a satisfying climax bit.

I couldn't give a flying fuck about how butt-hurt Millennial kids are over the perceived racism, the misogyny, the Tarantino historical re-writes, even the insults to the Polanski, Tate, Lee, and Clay/ Ali families. Shit, I don't even care about the under-utilization of Robbie, the lack of "non-whites" on set, the ridiculous usage of Zoë Bell for anything outside of a stunt person role, the fact they had the Manson 1959 Ford Galaxie vehicle but chose not to use it, or that all of Tim Roth's scenes ended up on the cutting room floor.

I don't even care about QT's podophilia obsession!

None of that shit bothers me one. fucking. iota. Nope.

What truly bothers me is that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood feels like the opening 10 minutes of Michael Haneke's Caché stretched for 161 fucking minutes! Y'know what happens for the first 10 minutes of Caché? NOTHING!

FUCKING. NOTHING!

Admittedly Once Upon a Time in Hollywood has some great character actor cameos, some fantastic scenery, groovy tunes, I liked the cars ahellovalot, and I'm probably the only clown on here giving a a whole goddamn star solely for the Alphonse Mucha prints on Sharon Tate's bedroom walls, but otherwise, OUATIH really felt like watching paint dry. It's "pretty looking" paint, but it's still just fucking paint nonetheless.

Considering the subject matter, the setting, the time period, the Italian cinema references, the fact I have several Frank Kozik "Sharon Tate" posters at work, the whole "Manson" thing, Brad Pitt and his dog going ape shit on the Manson kids at the end, you would honestly think this would jive with me a whole lot better. But it didn't. It's fully in my "wheelhouse of pop culture shit", but it just missed the mark on other stuff. Like a compelling story. And creative dialogue. Interesting characters. Someone to invest in. Maybe even, say, an editor with an actual love of what Tarantino was originally famous for going "Hey QT, no buddy, I don't think that's actually a good idea".

Miss you Sally.

FilthyFuckingHippies/ 10

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