A film review, ultimately, functions to either sell the reader on the picture or to give a clear image of how the writer felt overall but I can't really do either today. This feels like one of those films that only you know about, like a childhood memory or a note you've been passed in class. Will you cry the same way I did? Will an older version of myself laugh at all the same moments where I laughed here…

In the middle of some sort of cosmically bad vibe I knew it was time to go headfirst back into the comfort of something very dear to my heart. Maybe it’s the weekend? Weekends always aggravate me, because I never have anything to do. Silent Hill is a comfort zone. The ashes are cozy and the characters something I know. An overarching structure that could be considered “dreamlike” though most video game narratives from this time period could be classified…

"Ong Bak meets Escape From New York"
-IMPACT
"what if la Haine was la Insane"
-me

three quarters of the way thru this I realised that buddy action movies and teen romances use the same formula a lot of the time. Two people who don't want to be together are forced to be together and slowly learn to accept and eventually appreciate one another. It's a shame these french boys don't kiss!!!!!! Also whoever wrote that IMPACT byline is right…

You aren't a REAL godzilla kong fan if you love/hate/like/dislike THIS latest entry in Legendary's Monsterverse franchise starring Millie Bobby Brown as a podcast addled cospiracy freak who refuses to drink fluoride water on a quest to do ultimately very little in the quest to stop the big monster from beating up the other big monster!

Seriously though maybe it's time to shut the fuck up about who the real kaiju fans are or whatever. What a sad little dick…