Monster Hunter

Monster Hunter

One of the biggest mysteries in Hollywood (not far behind Ryan Murphy’s continued success) is how Paul W.S. Anderson keeps getting big budgets for grand CGI messes that incorporate the cheesiest of dialogue and the worst of characters. The monsters designs are sorta neat but instantly forgettable n generic, n the so-called battles are rushed, layman edited amalgamations of unintelligible action. 

The question I have for Anderson is, why take on an adored existing IP in feature-film format and show such an incurious interest in portraying it with value on-screen? Couldn’t he have just used his own idea? Instead of mercilessly taking an already loved series and stripping it of it’s intrigue or of any recognition, leaving the fans hoodwinked into thinking they’re getting a faithful adaptation, and cheating the rest of us into thinking this video-game film would be a solid means of escape. 

Where it really loses whatever little credibility that remains is in a big hot mess of a third act, where Ron Perlman’s (looking like a Castaway Will Ferrell) underdeveloped natives are at war with some big dragon and Jovovich’s one-note Artemis tags along for the ride. It just left me there completely bemused n with a bit of a headache. Who are these people? What is the mythology of this world? In fact, what is this world?? Why are they at war? Who is it, exactly, that’s at war with each other?  How broke is Ron Perlman? What the hell is that chef cat doing cooking with all those hairs ???? I don’t care how good his food is, he either wears a full hazmat suit or he doesn’t cook!

I feel like critiquing this film in-depth is a waste, though I appreciate that’s pretty much what I’ve done lol but I was mainly just ranting. How can big swords vs big monsters go so wrong? Disorientating, annoying, colourless n a total drag. No wonder my head hurts

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