My Own Private Idaho

My Own Private Idaho ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

guys ive been crying for a while now and i can't fucking stop so im just logging this here and going to cry myself to sleep tonight and maybe tomorrow try to give my review on this

update

okay so ive slept thinking about this movie and took a shower in the morning to consolidate my thoughts on this movie. im not the best at expressing my feelings and english is not my first language so bare with me. also if you're reading this review please do not let this change how you'll view this movie, this is only my personal opinion on this movie, and it's not probably objective, but more personal.

so if im going to be honest, i did not enjoy watching this movie, at all actually. i had a terrible time watching it and it's probably my most painful experiencing watching a movie ever. was it good? absolutely. it was incredible. however i did not enjoy watching this....

there's a specific feeling that i had to endure while watching this movie and it's one of the worst things ive ever felt. the reason why this movie is so painful, is because i too have felt what river phoenix's character felt when it comes to the pain you feel when you know the person you are in love with, can't love you back.
when i fell in love with my best friend (we don't talk anymore), and i realized he was straight and there was nothing i could do to make him love me back, i literally felt a hole in my chest, it was the most painful experience in my life.
that feeling that lingers through your body, the shame and jealousy, watching them being in love with another person.... that right there is the worst feeling ever... and the funny thing is that it's not their fault either, it's not their fault we fell for the them, and they've got their own life and desires. they can't stop living their lives or being with who they want bc someone else loves them too.

that campfire scene was so painful to watch when keanu reeves's character Scott said two men can't love each other. an instant punch in the stomach. river phoenix's character mike had just told him what he felt for him and how it hurts him that they can't be any closer and scott says that.....

i heavily relate to that because i too have felt that wanting more than what a friendship can offer, that feeling when you want to kiss the other person or just touching them and hugging them. of course it can't happen, there are boundaries between a friendship and a romantic relationship.

anyway, i was initially going to give this movie a 2 stars only because like i said, i did not enjoy it. but just when it ended, when scott picked him up (im assuming it's him bc ive seen ppl online saying it was in the original script), i started to violently sob, i couldn't stop crying and i cried myself to sleep that night. i couldn't even give my review on this movie because of how much in pain i was at the moment. when i woke up i found myself thinking about this movie, i took a long shower to try and process what i had felt during this movie and i can't even yet process all of it. right now, that feeling like there's hole in my chest i talked about earlier, is here again and it's awful. this is indeed the most painful experience ive had watching a movie and ill probably never be able to rewatch it, i don't have the guts to.

i decided to give this 5 stars because no other movie has made me feel like that ever so i think it's only fair to give this the highest rating i can. again, i had a terrible time watching this, but it was incredible.

my stomach hurts from crying i feel so sick what the actual hell i can't take this im still thinking about this non stop

it's been just over a day since i watched this movie, i still feel a hollow feeling in my stomach and chest istg...

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