gretta has written 18 reviews for films rated ★★ .

  • Son of Hercules vs. Medusa

    Son of Hercules vs. Medusa

    the medusa looks awesome but that's about it for this film

  • Candyman

    Candyman

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    this movie didn't make sense to me. It had too much extraneous stuff that made it really hard for me to care. Maybe I'm just awful at these kind of movies? There is a hot white lady and you see her boobs all covered in blood.
    I liked the Clive Barker story alright. The soundtrack is good.

  • Mandy

    Mandy

    Just a bunch of aesthetic that isn't really my aesthetic so I didn't really care and it bummed me out because there's no way for me to like, integrate myself into the story at all or relate I guess? I don't like Nicholas Cage, and I have seen enough retrowave killer biker nonsense and cultist dicks and stuff in my real life already, and I didn't like it then, either. Like I don't strongly hate it it's just old hat.…

  • The Lost Boys

    The Lost Boys

    ★★

    This was as boring as I remember. Cool set design. Otherwise utterly forgettable and dumb.

  • Gothic

    Gothic

    ★★

    This was exhausting. I always griped that Terry Gilliam films were pure screaming but this is above and beyond. The breasts with eyes cracked me up. we had some laughs and concluded Mary needs to get some new friends, damn

  • Tokyo Drifter

    Tokyo Drifter

    this movie must be some kinda joke that I don't understand because I don't have the cultural education to contextualise it. the most chartreuse I've ever seen in my life.

  • The Machine That Kills Bad People

    The Machine That Kills Bad People

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    THE MACHINE THAT KILLS MY ABILITY TO CARE
    Say Cheese And Die! except Italians are yelling the whole time and I don't actually remember how the Goosebumps story resolved or if anyone actually died in it but people do die in this movie (in the story of the movie I mean) and also a donkey died which doesn't make sense because the machine (it's a camera) is only supposed to kill bad people and donkeys 1. aren't people and 2. aren't bad.

    this is supposed to be a comedy.
    we couldn't finish it. signal started lagging so we just gave up.

  • Destroy All Monsters

    Destroy All Monsters

    ★★

    poor Ghidorah :'(
    this movie was really boring
    cool yellow suits, cool space lady worms, that's about it.

  • Evolution

    Evolution

    i remember i didn't like it, but mulder's butt was in it. his naked butt. why!?

  • Prisoners of the Lost Universe

    Prisoners of the Lost Universe

    ★★

    very bad. boring. a shame.

  • Dune Warriors

    Dune Warriors

    ★★

    should have written this review as i watched the film. this movie is basically a love triangle with some bad action acting. it was very bad and not especially fun-bad but it was my test for an amazon Watch Party with my friend and it was his pick and we had a good time riffing on it so that's about as much as one can hope for in these terrible socially-distant times! THE SWORDS WERE SOOOOO BAD and also the pants. yikes.

  • The Old Dark House

    The Old Dark House

    ★★

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLT66yJBYbA

    strongly suspect that Torgo (who watches the place while The Master is away) was inspired by Boris's character in this film