omg everyone i’m so sorry!!! when i sold my soul to that ancient trickster god in exchange for the actualization of my heart’s truest desire (jake gyllenhaal playing a bisexual art critic named “morf” in a horror-comedy), i forgot to specify that i also wanted a cohesive plot structure 😔 

again, SO SORRY — will definitely not be making the same mistake with this monkey paw i stole from a vengeful witch!

how come this episode of Goosebumps wasn't just 30 minutes like the other ones

critique is so limiting and emotionally draining

i'm just glad jake has a job

Dan Gilroy visited Chicago to see The Bean and went "See that? Let's put HOLES in it"

toni collette...we're gonna get you out of there

“Final Destination” but make it arty

Absolutely insufferable, a smugly tin-eared alleged satire about (at least in part) visual art that can't even muster a single distinctive image, a successful humorous irony, or even a discernible point of view.

pretty funny that a movie that’s attempting to be a satire on pretentious Art with a Capital A is unintentionally more pretentious and uninteresting than the Art it’s satirizing

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

Not even the ghost of Dease [Nuts] could make me stick my arm in a Phantasm ball.

I was in the exact right mood for this and it totally clicked for me. Loved everything it had to say about art and the endless pursuit of trying to make something truly expressive without compromising oneself for love or money or popularity or perspective or sense.

jake gyallenhal was acting like rent was due (not his performance) i genuinely think he needed to pay rent so he took this job

Felt like pretentious crap need a rewatch

two men got distracted by a painting while having sex with josephina kinda embarrassing if u ask me also art is so fucking pretentious

Muy cutre. Como película de terror es malísima, y como retrato del mundo del arte y las galerías no creo tampoco que merezca la pena. Además está dirigida como si fuera una serie de tv, todo el rato tenía la sensación de estar viendo un capítulo piloto.

dease nuts

Only watching this again because Nightcrawler is such a good movie and I need to remember how they fucked this up so badly. It’s just so unfortunately monotone the entire time.

It feels like you are watching an episode of a mediocre TV show

also, when you find out why its called velvet buzzsaw it's truly lame

jake gyllenhaal screaming again! jake gyllenhaal screaming again!

ahhhhhhhhh

idk i kinda liked it?

toni collette in little blonde bob = good movie

Art World Horror

Some fun, pulpy performances, but could've done with one of the main characters being less unlikeable; and was begging for some further revelation in the 3rd act, instead of just ending.