Palm Springs ★★★½

i wonder how much of the value of movies we find purely due to projection. tonight i really loved the line “we’re already sick of each other. it’s great.” in an alternate universe, i’m in a completely different relationship, apartment, city, i’m friends with completely different people, my energy has gone to completely different places. what line would i love then? would i feel as good about myself in that world? or, conversely, would i feel as bad?

i’ve been mulling over the idea of investment recently - the value of continually dedicating yourself to a place, a career, a person, even when you feel like that idea isn’t valuing you back. a friend told me today that he feels like he is “reliving the same day over and over again only i am reacting differently to it every time” and i get that. on a good day we call it commitment or routine, on a bad day it’s beating your head against a wall. it’s all just projection. 

there’s an intimacy in catching someone’s eye while they are watching you love something. there’s a spark there worth pursuing every day, in whatever form, no matter what it takes. i find comfort in the rhythm, in the promise that even if i’m going to react differently every day, i will still be there to react at all. the worst outcome is not meeting their gaze, cutting off connections first at the knees, then the shoulders, turning a relationship into some very depressing Black Knight. i’m not so scared of getting sick of someone, more so ceasing to care about them at all. but idk i feel like i’m just projecting.

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