I want a new Christmas Carol, but not really a new one, an old one. I want a 1970s Christmas Carol that barely holds together due to the massive personalities involved and their excesses. The kind of thing that would require a full chapter in a tell-all biography. A lot of these picks are really on-the-nose, but what good is a fantasy if it isn't fantastic?

British snot Guy Hamilton can handle the large ensemble cast and fantasy elements, so he'd be a great pick as director.

As Ebenezer Scrooge we have Orson Welles. He may need to be seated for much of the film, but he'll be wonderful in the top hat. Early in production he needs to be replaced by Peter Ustinov.

A young and hungry Nigel Terry plays Bob Cratchit with Charlotte Rampling as his wife and, fuck it, the kid from The Omen as Tiny Tim.

Things go off the rails quickly once Klaus Kinski shows up wrapped in chains, glaring and screaming as Jacob Marley.

The haunting Cinzia Monreale from The Beyond and Buio Omega sternly guides Scrooge down memory lane as the Ghost of Xmas Past

Who else but Oliver Reed shows up as the Ghost of Xmas Present? Don't you want to see him with the little wreath on his head and all that?

Finally, the Blind Dead descend upon ol' Ebenezer as the Ghosts of Xmas Future.

As further fantasy: Many years later footage leaks of Oliver Reed and Orson Welles openly drinking and "testing" director Guy Hamilton by deliberately missing marks and cues, cursing, and saying things like "he'd much rather be directing one of his little spy pictures" and "how'd you like I wrap one of these chains around your neck, Hamilton?"