Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade ★★½

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who just wanted to sit back, relax, and enjoy a movie to wrap up the day. The girl picked a movie called Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade and wrongly assumed that it was about an actual Wolf Brigade, with an actual squad and soldiers and everything.

"Oh, what a nice poster you have!" said the girl.

"All the better to lure you in, my dear," said the movie.

And so, the girl was lured in.

However, while the movie did have those things, it only chose to focus on one Wolf instead of the brigade she was expecting. At first, this was alright with the girl. The alternate universe the movie is set in was gritty and urban. The re-imagined vision of Japan was actually pretty cool. But the pacing was too slow for her and she soon started to slip into boredom.

But the girl was not to be denied her movie night. She sat back and decided to continue watching the movie.

"Oh, what a nice political conspiracy you have!" said the girl.

"All the better to tell you the story, my dear," said the movie.

But alas! Nothing much went on for very long and the girl found herself checking the timer on her DVD player to see how much time the movie had left before it finished. She found that she couldn't care less about the main character or his PTSD issues. She felt that the political conspiracies could have been handled better. She thought that maybe the movie was confused and didn't know whether it should have been a political story or a love story. The movie bored her so much, that she was too far gone to appreciate the plot twists.

Plus, the only time the main character shows any kind of emotion is at the end of the friggin' movie.

Foolishly, the girl continued to let the DVD run, now determined to see this to the bitter end.

"Oh, what nice action scenes you have!" said the girl, upon hitting the movie's climax.

"All the better to end this shit with a bang, my dear," said the movie.

At first, the girl thought that maybe her long wait was finally being rewarded. But even then, her brief moment of euphoria did not last long, and before the girl knew it, the shootout came to a close.

"There's just way too much Little Red Riding Hood in this thing," said the girl.

The movie did not respond.

The movie ended.

The credits rolled.

And just like stupid Little Red Riding Hood, the girl died of complete boredom.

The End.

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