• Thinner

    Thinner

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Stephen King is a master of goddamn stupid ideas. A haunted fucking pie? It’s honestly gotten so bad that it’s incredible again.

  • Red Sonja

    Red Sonja

    This is like when the DM is running their first ever campaign, clearly haven’t written any backstory, and are stalling for time. 

    The dialogue is completely lifeless despite having some cool set designs, costumes and special fx.

  • Thir13en Ghosts

    Thir13en Ghosts

    ★★★

    In the first 5 minutes, someone says the name of the movie twice and also “who are you to play god?”.

    How can you not?

  • The Suicide Squad

    The Suicide Squad

    ★★★

    Gloriously stupid.
    DC finally made an entertaining movie and pulled their head out their asses.

  • Bo Burnham: Inside

    Bo Burnham: Inside

    ★★★★★

    A comedy special that surprised the hell out of me by turning into a surreal fever dream musical. The thoughtfulness in editing and lighting his one man show felt really inventive and cemented this as a masterpiece for me.
    If this is the only record chronicling the loneliness and isolation of the pandemic for future generations, I’d be fine with that.

  • The Wind

    The Wind

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    American prairie homesteading always terrified me, so adding a spooky demon haunting sold me. While it sure felt like a similar premise to The Witch, there was enough to be it’s own thing. It was spooky and tense and beautifully shot. 
    The part that loses me is the demonic haunting. Are they manifestations of human sin or are they just like a dracula monster guy w different rules that can kick the shit out of you?
    The real terror of satanic demon stuff to me is that it manifests by the hand of another person. An abstraction of wrongdoing, and not as a vaping chupacabra.

  • Cradle 2 the Grave

    Cradle 2 the Grave

    ★★★

    DMX tried to steal some diamonds but ended up stealing... my heart.

  • Zack Snyder's Justice League

    Zack Snyder's Justice League

    ★½

    Lord of the Rings but make it Axe body spray. 

    The desperation for Warner Media to make the DC comics franchise as entertaining as Marvel is palpable and cringe-worthy. 
    While the Marvel movies are also exhausting, they never take themselves as seriously and feel like they know they’re in on the joke.
    DC does not know there is a joke. It’s like someone told DC to get lost, and then they did. Then they made this 5 hour thing.

  • Pinocchio

    Pinocchio

    ★★★★

    This is the most fucked thing on Disney+ right now.
    I guess I REALLY didn’t remember a fabulously wealthy British guy appearing in Northern Italy trafficking a wagon full of boys off to Pleasure Island with promises of candy and cigars.

  • 28 Weeks Later

    28 Weeks Later

    ★★

    Well I suppose the main takeaway from this doomsday scenario is something my pappy used to tell me and his pappy used to tell him:

    Don’t give top-level military clearance to the building super during a zombie outbreak. 

    So I hope this nugget gets passed along to you and yours. Take care. God bless.

  • Shadow in the Cloud

    Shadow in the Cloud

    ★★

    There’s a vibe this story was hijacked by a coked out producer from the 80s, in that bat-shit crazy plot devices are peppered in. To be clear, I have zero problems with that. But then it feels like it holds some of that back which is a bummer. I wish they’d just go all in on schlock. Throw a Transformer in the story. Add zombies. Fuck it, add a couple draculas and some sexy werewolves. There wasn’t really a plot to begin with, so my moneys on the cokehead furiously rewriting the script.

  • I Care a Lot

    I Care a Lot

    ★★★

    This makes me about as uneasy as Nightcrawler, except for the bumpy plot around criminality depicting the mafia. It just seemed like the writer googled “how do u do crimes?” and then winged it, adding a neckerchief on a crime boss. I mean, I dunno I didn’t go to crime college or nuthin but that seemed more off-putting than elder abuse.