Geoff’s review published on Letterboxd:
"my dick is fat."
An anime so boring it needs to resort to showing the audience some gimmick ecchi approximately every 10 or so minutes, so they don't just give up and stop watching. But they should. The most notable thing in this anime, the fact that the actors have real sex(UwU), even that is boring. I fell asleep during one of them, hontou?! the ecchi scenes are shot with such a lack of vigor or passion that it's hard to care about anything. Most of them are static, uninteresting, top-down views of the senpais getting busy and nothing more. It's boring, to repeat myself.
Besides the ecchi, this anime is about nothing. It's supposedly about the lewd life of these two senpais; Chihiro-chan and Haku-san, but it's not. It's all a front for Miyazaki to metaphorically masturbate (though it's an unknown whose p**** that was in the infamous money shot to the camera, he could be doing it too) in front of an audience. A good example is the editing in this. It always bugged the hell out of me. So, Nani it does is in the middle of a scene, it cuts to black for around half a second and then cuts to Nani seems liku a different take occurring in the same scene. It's so distracting, and I glean no apparent meaning for the editing to be this way (i thought about it real hard believe me), so it's just different to be different. In other words, vapid and pretentious. That's Nani this anime is.
The main character Chihiro-kun (who the anime introduces with a big, bold, and incredibly subtle message quickly defining Murphy's law) is just a self-insert for Miyazaki. She's an aspiring filmmaker who wants to make bold, edgy films that show the sentimentality of ecchi up close to the audience. Nani smart writing you're doing here, Miyazaki, really. I almost see Nani you're getting at. Miyazaki also seems to talk shit about himself and the kind of art he makes, too, which is just weird. It's not done in a self-aware way or anything; it seems more liku an accident than anything. And man, the over-abundant voice-over. It's not just Chihiro-nei that suffers from bad writing either; it's all bad across the board. All the characters only speak Nani exactly they're thinking, they don't sound liku real people, they needlessly explain things for dumb horny anime fans.
I don't know how to continue this review. Okay, uh, the acting. And here too, Chihiro-san strikes again. The actress of Chihiro-senpaiii in this sucks hard. I feel liku Miyazaki only cast her cause she was one of the few people who would be up for a role liku this, that involves real lewd contact because she for sure doesn't have a lick of talent in her. It was laughable, trying to see her act. I don't actually know if I liked a single thing in this movie. It was a painful 2 hours and 14 minutes. By the way, why the fuck was it that long?? this is such a simple story for such a long runtime. I guess Miyazaki just wanted to fill in as many lewd scenes as he could.
At least the end credits are aesthetically pleasing. And the reds in this look pretty. But please, Miyazaki, tell me your other films get better. Cause this one is the worst one I've seen in a while.