• Monster Hunter

    Monster Hunter

    Almost entirely CGI establishing shots and extreme close-ups with little to no dialog. At least half the movie is in slow motion and there's no ending. It's like someone watched Predator(s) and Tremors and thought "man no way I could make those" then did anyway.
    Doesn't even reach the usual Paul WS Anderson two star standard.

  • The House with a Clock in Its Walls

    The House with a Clock in Its Walls

    ★★½

    The House with a Cock and Balls.

  • About Time

    About Time

    ½

    What a prick.

  • Wonder Woman 1984

    Wonder Woman 1984

    ½

    Never forget that in Wonder Woman 1984, Diana Prince rapes a man while he is possessed by the ghost of Steve Trevor. Wonder Woman is a rapist, Cheetah want's to beat up rapists... Cheetah is apparently the villain.

    The movie finally starts after 45 minutes... and by movie I mean episode of Quantum Leap.

    Edit: The Wonder Woman film starts around the 2 hour mark and perfectly follows the DC movie tradition of being total shite. Honestly one of the…

  • The Trial of the Chicago 7

    The Trial of the Chicago 7

    ★★½

    The scene where a big vaudevillian hook appeared from stage left and dragged Yahya Abdul-Mateen II off screen never to be seen again was a weird choice.

  • The Strangers: Prey at Night

    The Strangers: Prey at Night

    ★★★½

    Best Friday the 13th since Freddy vs Jason.

  • The Strangers

    The Strangers

    ★★

    As someone who’s lived somewhere that often had weirdos at the door asking if such and such was in but we’re obviously just checking if anyone was in. And somewhere else where I had an intruder... at night... during a power cut, I can safely say this couple were useless.

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★★

    Highbrow Action/Sci-Fi for twelve year olds, with a concept stolen from Alan Moores '1963: Mystery Incorporated' (the Maybe Machine).

    Quick someone make a 'It’s protagonists all the way down - Always has been' meme.

  • Beats

    Beats

    ★★★★

    Hey I know them... Look it's oor hoose... oh, that's just round the corner. Five stars, best film ever made.

    Also, I've barely left the house in months so it was nice to reminisce on passed nights out whilst simultaneously reminding myself how much of a timeless shitehole Glasgow is.

  • Matango

    Matango

    ★★★½

    Watched the English dubbed Attack of the Mushroom People on Amazon.

  • The New Mutants

    The New Mutants

    ★★

    I remember when they made this movie in 1996 it was called Generation X and it sucked then too.

    Also far too fantastical... There’s no such thing as a Scottish Catholic.

  • Sisters

    Sisters

    ★★★½

    Why watch one Hitchcock film when you can watch all of them... Simultaneously.