Monster Hunter

Monster Hunter ★½

*Ron Perlman's lion mane*

If you thought Paul W.S. Anderson couldn't be buggered at all with respecting video game lore with his banger Resident Evil franchise, just you wait. Monster Hunter is easily his worst film—I have yet to see Pompeii—that is far from being anywhere near the dimension of so bad it's fun. Unfortunately a problem when making a film targeted towards making most of their profits in the East, the plot and script are so unreasonably dumbed down that it feels like nothing happens for the majority of the uneventful film. The script is so forgettable and lame that each character could easily just speak gibberish and you'd still get the point, because their actions and pantomiming tell us everything—which unfortunately is the side effect of these co-productions for two audience bases. The world building is painfully bad, and I sincerely don't see this doing well on either side. Monster Hunter is a film that should have known what it was right from the go, launching itself wildly into absurdity with every bit of its budget. Instead, it was just incredibly dull and tame: the opposite of what its title entails.

Beyond that, even as a fan of Anderson, it just feels like he does not care about this IP at all. Props to Milla & her diamond nipples' continued all-star supportive wife commitment, but this is not even half as epic as Paul wants you to think. The action is incredibly lacklustre, the cool 80s synth score is randomly more reminiscent of Tron, and the chemistry is nonexistent. I don't have much to say on Tony Jaa, because the film does his fully competent martial arts skill so dirty with the lightening quick cuts and rapid fire editing. Doobie White should not be hired after this. This film is on the level of a bad early-2000s film heavily reliant on CG that has no clue what it's doing, has no involved plot, no resolution, ends with an obvious mid-scene cut, and an unworthy wishful sequel set-up. 

Just seeing Will Ferrell looking Ron Perlman in this is bewildering in the wildest of manners—and I've seen his hilarious role in Scorpion King 3. My friends and I just sat baffled wondering how we can get this and not a Hellboy 3. At this rate, just give me a 4K remastered of underrated banger, Reign of Fire

PS: I'm curious to hear what fans of the game have to think. The 1hr I played of Monster Hunter World, is not represented here beyond the cat chef. This will not be spawning a female-led multi-million dollar franchise like RE.

2021 RANKED 


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