𝐡𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞’s review published on Letterboxd:
This is BARELY a King film, it kinda just gets looped in. And I can tolerate pretty much any King-related movie, no matter how shitty. There's just a charm to them. They feel like a safety blanket. Now, remember that part where I said "no matter how shitty"? You should, because it was like two sentences ago, but anyways, I always remember the follow-up to Creepshow blows, I just forget how hard. Even the few shining moments cannot rise above the muck that takes up so much of the runtime. It barely counts as a King movie, and it barely feels like a sequel to the original. Lacking all of the style and flair of Romero's original, Creepshow 2 can't help but feel disappointing.
The Wraparound
Doesn't start off too bad. Tom Savini in some blah makeup tosses out some comics at a kid from the back of a truck, and he's rattling off puns. The Crypt Keeper he ain't, but it's not dreadful. And then something happens. Poor animation is one of those things that makes me irrationally angry. Maybe it's the character design, the inconsistent models from frame to frame, or the motion of the characters within the space. Hell, it's all of those things and more. The animated bits of this, which are all of it after the first minute, are the visual equivalent to nails on a chalkboard. I hate literally everything about it.
.5/5
Old Chief Wood'nhead
After this segment has concluded, the Creep shows up and says, "Still here, kiddies? If Old Chief Wood'nhead didn't drive you away..." How appropriate. The setting is interesting but it's shot so flat (like the rest of the movie) that it doesn't even serve as a distraction from how boring everything else is. This setup should not take nearly this long to get going, and there is zero excuse for it to be a boring as it is. It's about a cigar-store Indian that comes to life and murders some punks! What the hell? And why in the sweet name of Wood'nhead do we not see the scalping?? Come on!
1/5
The Raft
Alright, alright. THIS is the one, baby. The short held aloft by everyone as the crowning achievement of Creepshow 2. So good, they argue it justifies the movie's existence. So good, some say it's even better than anything from the first movie. How is it, really? It's aight. Aside from "The Mist" and a few other shorter stories, "The Raft" is easily one of the best short stories from King's collection Skeleton Crew. Just like its placement in this anthology, it's one of the reasons anyone remembers SC as well as they do, as it's widely regarded as a lackluster follow-up to the stellar Night Shift. Overall, the adaptation here is fairly well done. They make the characters way less likable than their short story counterparts, but what remains is the strength of the premise. It's a merciless creature feature, one where you can't really predict who will go and when. It's not very interesting to look at though. The lake is more of a pond surrounded by some dirt and rocks and the oil slick is just a garbage bag, but it gets the job done. I guess that's all we're asking for here. I highly recommend everyone to read the short story instead. There is enough pathos to the characters and psychedelic imagery to warrant a much better adaptation in the future, but until then, the story is all you need.
Do you love?
3/5
The Hitchhiker
I'll be honest, the first time I watched this movie, I didn't even make it to the part where she hits Mr Morgan from Seinfeld. I was just so underwhelmed by everything I had seen I shut it off about the 40th time the lady talked to herself about how many orgasms she had and how much each one would cost her. I should've stuck it out, because this might be my favorite of the film. That's not saying a lot, but what can we do? I love the idea of an extremely passive-aggressive ghost. We need more of them just being like "Oh yeah, thanks for helping me out there, slick" until the person being haunted just kills themselves. Plus, Uncle Stevie shows up as a truck driver and he's the best actor in the whole movie! Yay! Cool car stunts, nice makeup, weird supernatural morality play, Uncle Stevie...this almost feels like it belongs in a Creepshow!
3.5/5
Overall, not a miserable experience, but unworthy of the title. This is one I won't be rewatching too often.