As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty ★★★★½

I’ve always been obsessed with preserving memories. Writing them down or marking them in some way so that I can always remember the little moments after my brain purges them to make room for the big ones. I keep a journal that scrapbooks my life and I mark down everything, every little thing that I want to remember. And when I fill up one journal, I start again. I have 6 total now. I do this because life is made of mostly little moments and I want to hold onto those. I think it’s easy to look back on your life in blinks.

*blink*
I moved away from home

*blink*
My family broke apart

*blink*
The loves of my life were born

Those massive moments and events are important and make up the pillars of who I am, but they also make me feel as though life goes too fast. Like I’m blinking and everything speeding past me like a flip book. Those pillars also don’t tell the whole story. Every single small moment.. that’s what makes up what my life really is.

It’s going to the lake with my friends for a weekend. It’s reading a book in the park on a nice sunny day. It’s sitting around a campfire and teaching a toddler how to make s’mores for the first time. It’s falling down the stairs of my apartment when I came home drunk and spraining my ankle. It’s laughing with my grandparents as they try to figure out new technology.

It’s all these small moments that make us who we are. And it’s so scary to think about life passing us by and wondering... are we living the life we want? Are we doing enough? But when I look around and take in everything I’ve done, everything I’ve gone through, everyone I’ve ever known. It’s enough. It’s me. And I’m enough.

I am going to be me for my whole life and it’s not always easy but it’s worth it. And one day I can sit back and look through all of my old journals and I probably won’t remember everything. But I’ll smile and trace my fingers over the old concert tickets and the old photographs and remember that I was alive.

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