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  • Antichrist

    Antichrist

    ★★★★★

    I've found it's harder to understand why someone loves a movie you hate than someone hating a movie you love. When you love something, you can see potential problems other people might have with it, but when you hate something, all you can think about is just how mad it makes you. Case in point, . Good movie—I hate it. Cannot fucking stand it. (I'm really sucking people into my 10/10 review for Antichrist, huh?) I try, and I try,…

  • Mirror

    Mirror

    ★★★★

    I stand in front of a crowd of hundreds of thousands, all composed of eager Tarkovsky fans holding their assorted steelbooks. I grin nervously at the gathered crowd. I didn't think there'd be so many!

    I clear my throat and turn my eyes to the space in between the spotlights.

    "Mirror is..."

    The crowd collectively leans forward in their chairs.

    "...a high eight."

    A confused murmur arises from the crowd. Surely I have misspoken! I didn't say "a perfect ten"?…

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  • Widows

    Widows

    ★★★★

    There are two actors inside of you

    One is Carrie Coon with short cut hair

    The other is Daniel Kaluuya with a trimmed beard

    You are no longer monosexual

    Almost makes me respect Gillian Flynn as an artist again after the Utopia remake. Almost.

  • Citizen Kane

    Citizen Kane

    ★★★★

    *joke about Citizen Kane being "underground"/"indie"*
    *joke making fun of that joke*
    *joke about how the second person can't have fun*
    *joke that involves telling the first person to shut up*
    *joke in which the second person pulls a gun*
    *joke in which the second person violently shoots the first person to death*
    *joke in which the second person is incarcerated and sentenced to death*
    *joke about the second person being strapped to the electric chair, their last words calling…

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  • Cuties

    Cuties

    ★★

    You can have good intentions, but a tweet I saw (that also got a good chuckle out of me) rings true—you don't show children that drugs are bad by giving one of them black tar heroin.

    The satire feels barely there. The closest we get is that (appalling) scene at the end. I was fully on the director's side when the bullshit Netflix marketing dropped—I'm not anymore.

    Cuties is as bad as most people are saying. It's uncomfortable, it's disturbing,…

  • Boys State

    Boys State

    ★★★½

    Robert is both the Chad and the Virgin