Favorite films

  • The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
  • Athlete Swinging a Pick
  • The Grand Budapest Hotel
  • Paterson

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  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    ★★★★★

  • The Host

    ½

  • A Quiet Place

    ★★★★★

  • GoodFellas

    ½

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  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    ★★★★★

    I forgot to finish covering the Hobbit movies, and I am especially shameful of that because Percy Jackson redeemed himself in the end. After making two films with medicore (not horrible) titles, he must've realized his error and finally made a film with a truly accurate title. There are in fact five armies and I couldn't be happier.

    Also, Percy Jackson and I must be aligned somehow. Last review I mentioned how 8 year old Jesse and I made a mediocre pizza, but for this film we tried again and it turned out excellent. It really does show the power of a good title.

  • The Host

    The Host

    I've known some rude hosts in my life, but you cannot tell me that the monster is supposed to be "host." There was no party, it simply abducted some kids against their will (no invites sent). Seriously this title makes me question Bong Joon Ho as a person. If he's calling a literal monster a host, then what are his standards! At the very least I know never to go to one of his parties.

    Also 250 followers! That's insane…

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  • GoodFellas

    GoodFellas

    A user warned me about this one, and I should've heeded it. Maybe this was a sick practical joke from Scorsese (wouldn't be surprised), or maybe something worse. Maybe Scorsese has a warped psychotic perception of reality where he does in fact believe these are "Good fellas." I think most people would agree that they are pretty mean, but Scorsese might not be most people. I don't like jumping to conclusions, but I will say I if Scorsese was walking towards me, I'd throw 8 year old Jesse to the other side of the street. Better safe than sorry!

  • Unbreakable

    Unbreakable

    I love you Mr. Shyamalan but I was able to easily snap the blue ray disc in half, proving that this film is breakable. Just to make sure it wasn't just my unbelievable strength, I bought another disc and had 8 year old Jesse give it a try (not to suggest 8 year old Jesse isn't strong he's been doing great during his Karate lessons just so you know). He too was able to snap it with ease. A damn shame really.