• Sunshine

    Sunshine

    ★★★★★

    Not only does this film have sunshine, it also might have the most, and most intense sunshine I have ever seen in a film. 8 year old Jesse left the couch to find his sunglasses but disappeared throughout the entire film because I forgot to mention that the sunglasses were stolen by a bull terrier in the neighborhood.

    Looking at some of Boyle's other filmography I have to say this man can make some wonderful titles. Seeing an accurate title like this is probably how Cillian Murphy felt at the end of this movie!

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    ★★½

    This is a bit difficult to judge. There is a character called "the green knight" but I can't say for sure if he actually is a knight. According to Google, a knight has to serve a lord and it does not appear that the Green Knight does so. In fact, he seems kind of lazy as he presumably is asleep for a year. Dev Patel hasn't been appointed as a knight either, and even if he was he isn't green…

  • Old

    Old

    As of writing this the film has been out for less than a month which I do not consider a long time, so this movie is young. I will update this review in 75 years and give it a 10/10 unless human lifespan significantly increases.

  • Pig

    Pig

    ★★½

    Very conflicting title. There are two ways this title could go, it's referring to the pig in the movie (which is possible), or it could be calling Nick Cage a pig, which is downright despicable. I know people will think it's obviously talking about the pig but the poster suggests otherwise with "Pig" over an image of Nick Cage. I would like to hear what everyone's thoughts are on this, but the possibility of the filmmaker calling Nick Cage something…

  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    ★★★★★

    I forgot to finish covering the Hobbit movies, and I am especially shameful of that because Percy Jackson redeemed himself in the end. After making two films with medicore (not horrible) titles, he must've realized his error and finally made a film with a truly accurate title. There are in fact five armies and I couldn't be happier.

    Also, Percy Jackson and I must be aligned somehow. Last review I mentioned how 8 year old Jesse and I made a mediocre pizza, but for this film we tried again and it turned out excellent. It really does show the power of a good title.

  • The Host

    The Host

    I've known some rude hosts in my life, but you cannot tell me that the monster is supposed to be "host." There was no party, it simply abducted some kids against their will (no invites sent). Seriously this title makes me question Bong Joon Ho as a person. If he's calling a literal monster a host, then what are his standards! At the very least I know never to go to one of his parties.

    Also 250 followers! That's insane…

  • A Quiet Place

    A Quiet Place

    ★★★★★

    To test this title's accuracy I had 8 year old Jesse sleep right next to the TV as I played this at a loud volume (he is very sensitive to noise when he sleeps). While the film wasn't as silent as a Charlie Chapman movie (slightly disappointing) and does contain some loud noses, Jesse did not wake up so I cannot knock points away. To be fair he was on the monkey bars for a long time, and fought a…

  • GoodFellas

    GoodFellas

    A user warned me about this one, and I should've heeded it. Maybe this was a sick practical joke from Scorsese (wouldn't be surprised), or maybe something worse. Maybe Scorsese has a warped psychotic perception of reality where he does in fact believe these are "Good fellas." I think most people would agree that they are pretty mean, but Scorsese might not be most people. I don't like jumping to conclusions, but I will say I if Scorsese was walking towards me, I'd throw 8 year old Jesse to the other side of the street. Better safe than sorry!

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems

    ★★★★★

    I did in fact see gems that were not cut. I love to see the title improvement from the Safdies. Hopefully their next film will continue this excellence.

  • The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    ★★½

    Unfortunately not much of an improvement from its predecessor. Smaug doesn't actually cause much "desolation" during this film, but I will give Jeter Packson some credit as the film ends with the implication that Smaug will cause desolation. It was really disappointing for myself and 8 year old Jesse as we made our own pizzas to eat while watching the movie. We're a little new to making pizza though, so it turned out a little underbaked, and we should probably use better cheese next time. Definitely should use less dough too. Hopefully both our pizza skills and Packson's title making skills improve for the next one.

  • Unbreakable

    Unbreakable

    I love you Mr. Shyamalan but I was able to easily snap the blue ray disc in half, proving that this film is breakable. Just to make sure it wasn't just my unbelievable strength, I bought another disc and had 8 year old Jesse give it a try (not to suggest 8 year old Jesse isn't strong he's been doing great during his Karate lessons just so you know). He too was able to snap it with ease. A damn shame really.

  • Buffalo Running

    Buffalo Running

    ★★★★★

    Eadweard Muybridge is my favorite director now.