Favorite films

  • RoboCop
  • Yojimbo
  • Cabaret
  • There Will Be Blood

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  • Old

    ★★

  • Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

    ★★

  • Enemy of the State

    ★★★½

  • The Conversation

    ★★★★★

Recent reviews

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  • Enemy of the State

    Enemy of the State

    ★★★½

    The evil American politician that wants to spy on everyone in this film was born on 9/11. 9/11 is the excuse the government used to pass the Patriot Act which would allow the government to spy on everyone in real life. It’s all a goddamn conspiracy. Tony Scott tried to warn us and they murdered him to cover it up. They also forced Ridley Scott to make subpar Alien prequels to ruin the Scott name. Put your tinfoil hats on and pull out your molars because there are tracking devices in them! Uncle Sam is watching you!

  • Gunpowder Milkshake

    Gunpowder Milkshake

    ★★½

    Apparently a gunpowder milkshake tastes like vanilla with crunchy chunks of clichés and swirls of mediocre action which is a problem when that’s the genre you’ve chosen.

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  • Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor

    Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor

    ONE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY ACTIVATED THE CAMERA ON MY PHONE AT WORK AND IT FILMED TWO HOURS OF THE LENS RUBBING UP AGAINST THE INSIDE OF MY SHIRT POCKET (CUZ THAT'S WHERE I KEEP MY PHONE) WITH THE ONLY AUDIBLE NOISE BEING THE MIC RUBBING AGAINST FABRIC AND THE OCCASIONAL CLEARING OF MY THROAT. ANYWAY, THAT ACCIDENTAL PHONE FOOTAGE MAKES A BETTER FEATURE FILM THAN THIS. NEGATIVE SEVEN STARS!!

    P.S. THIS FILM ALSO CRUSHES MY THEORY THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD A FILM IS THAT EVERY MOVIE IS SOMEONE'S FAVORITE MOVIE. THIS IS NO ONE'S FAVORITE.

  • Pig

    Pig

    ★★★★½

    Nic Cage’s love for his pig made this grown man cry.