• Spectre

    Spectre

    ★½

    Answers the age old question: what if you let an algorithm made by Alan Partridge write a Bond movie? Dreadful writing, pacing all over the place, looks every inch the design by committee mess it reportedly was. Stuffed full of dumb nods to earlier films and buckets of chum for middle aged English men to pump their fist at. The family stuff is nonsense, a back story for Blofeld? You might as well have a back story for the big laser that someone is using to blow up the moon.

    Crap!

  • Skyfall

    Skyfall

    ★★★★

    When Bond's desperately needed psychiatrist says "country" he says "England", not "Britain". Britain is a fiction believed only by northern unionists. There is only England, dirty, awful England and the places it invades: Hong Kong, Scotland, even Northern Ireland gets a shout out. Bond is as close to a Le Carré spy here: a wretched, violent alcoholic working out his issues by killing large numbers of people. Intelligence agencies are places for killers to get away with it.

    Even Scotland…

  • Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel

    ★★★

    Did you know? The entire 1990s took place in one weekend in 1995

  • Big Hero 6

    Big Hero 6

    ★★★★

    Commits the avoidable "Leonard Part Six" sin of making everyone think they need to watch numbers 1-5 but otherwise a very sweet and nice movie

  • Doctor Strange

    Doctor Strange

    ★★

    We must defend the three centres of power in the world: Thurles, Moate and Borris-in-Ossory

  • Octopussy

    Octopussy

    A great activity for the pub: have someone read out the entire Wikipedia plot summary of this film. Probably not worth actually watching it. Roger Moore is pensionable

  • Thor: The Dark World

    Thor: The Dark World

    ★★

    Thor, like Johnathan Safran Foer, leaves his wife for Natalie Portman but with considerably more success

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★

    The fun super hero movie

  • Citizen Kane

    Citizen Kane

    ★★★★½

    Be aware that the White Stripes song "the Union Forever" contains significant spoilers for this film

  • Kes

    Kes

    ★★★★

    I don't think it's an exaggeration to say this is England, all the time

  • The Wind That Shakes the Barley

    The Wind That Shakes the Barley

    ★★★★½

    Only an English leftist could make a film this anti-English and get away with it

  • It

    It

    ★★★½

    Hey, at least people don't keep calling it Londonderry, Maine