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  • What If

    What If

    Unfinishable.

    Every character in every scene has almost the exact same delivery and exact same cadence. It’s like one person is doing a table reading all by themselves. What makes it worse is that nearly everybody is in the same vocal register. 

    I made it 40 minutes.

  • Ski Patrol

    Ski Patrol

    ★★½

    I have a lot of nostalgia for this film. It’s got Leslie Jordan in a major role when he was younger and adorable. Paul Feig was trying to do some kind of Robert Hays meets Balki Bartokomus type thing. Feig saves the ski patrol by dressing as Tina Turner and lip syncing Dancing in the Street. TK Carter hanging out and being goofy. George Lopez getting dunked on. Theres a neon Bates Motel sign. It has a belching smiling bulldog.…

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  • I Am Not Your Negro

    I Am Not Your Negro

    "My countryman is my enemy."

    Intersectionality

    James Baldwin was a queer black man. He had sex with men. And he was black. The closest this film comes to acknowledging that James Baldwin had sex with men is a text about his FBI files which states that he may be a homosexual. Otherwise, there is a photo of him holding three young girls, almost insinuating they're his daughters, and interviews with Dick Cavett talking about his children, that he didn't have.…

  • God's Not Dead

    God's Not Dead

    Oh. My. God.

    So, there's this philosophy professor who's an atheist because his mom died of cancer when he was 12. He's dating this 25 year old Christian whose 85-year-old mother has Alzheimer's Disease and a fondness for chicken. The 25-year-old's father is only like 50, and doesn't visit his ex-wife. Like the professor, Business Dad is also an atheist. He was dating a 25-year-old, until she revealed she had cancer. That 25-year-old atheist got cancer after conducting a Gotcha…